The definition of proper Christian behavior in the church is a topic at the heart of a many of the conflicts discussed online. It is important for us to understand the basic idea of what the legitimate role of the local church has in setting the standards and maintaining discipline within a congregation.

First, what is the basis for the church's authority? It must be Christ, who is the Head of the Church Universal. We are given the Word as "profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness" (2 Tim 3:16) and leaders of various kinds to shepherd this process to bring about maturity in Christ. It is hoped that the leaders are Spirit filled and led, and will diligently seek the truth in all their instructions and disciplining. Using love and care, each person should be nurtured toward completeness in Christ, not based on prejudice or personal bias.

Now, here is a situation my spouse and I faced twenty years ago that is not gender related:

Matt, age 6, son of one of the couples in our assembly was consistently labeled as a behavior problem. His actions were called disruptive and the parents were admonished to use more and more severe correction to keep the child under control. Unfortunately, this church was under the leadership of fairly harsh and legalistic people. The rod was a literal and physical tool that was urged on each parent. (In light of the disagreement we had over the methods that were taught, we eventually left, even though we were founding members) This child was spanked repeatedly and had every coercive child-rearing technique foisted on him.

The mom was beside herself because she felt in her heart that the child was not showing rebellion, which was the diagnosis, but had some other reason for his restlessness and lack of control. My spouse, who has a nursing and nutrition background, met privately with her and urged her to seek help medically. To make a long story short, a severe imbalance of some chemical or nutritional sensitivity was diagnosed and corrected. The child settled down significantly. However, the child was deeply scarred by the abusive approach used on him and has had to deal with this to this day. The church leaders had dismissed the idea that any such internal cause for poor behavior was correct and continued to enforce the spanking approach. Sadly, although there were some very good aspects to this church, it finally disappeared some years later, never growing nor seeing fruit in reaching out with the gospel in significant ways.

Here were some of the circumstances and how I think we can see some parallels to our gender issue in the church.

1) Leadership was not open to examine all possibilities in the situation. They had a theology that did not allow them to consider that behavior was attached to anything but human will, which is sinful and needed constant correction by whatever means necessary to bring a person into line.

2) It was an independent church with no covering authority or accountability. The pastor was the last court of appeal. His word was final.

3) Their mentality was a siege mentality. The world was evil and we were behind the ramparts, fending off the influences of society, including any information or ideas that did not fit their theological positions. They also had a 'we are bearers of the truth' mentality, so ideas from 'outside' their established positions were suspect at best and usually unwilling to be heard.

4) The parents were in the position of knowing their child more intimately than anyone else, but the elder leadership were convinced that their position of authority gave them the right to require the parents to follow their advice or be labeled rebellious themselves. Their assumptions and diagnosis of the child's problem were based on incomplete and faulty knowledge.

5) Agape love was not in evidence, but lots of statements like "the loving thing is often doing the hard thing", and teaching correction techniques such as repeated spanking. Although the statement about "hard things" is a truism, it did not meet the child's need, which was direct medical intervention.

I will not belabor these points, as I think that you may see some parallels to our issue. Very few pastor/elders make the foolish assumption that they know better how to diagnose an obvious medical problem. Historically however, "obvious medical problem" is a category that has changed dramatically over the ages as science finds causes for many maladies that have been harshly labeled. Epilepsy. A behavioral nightmare to say the least. Called the falling sickness in Julius Caesar's time, it is now controlled by medicine. Leprosy. The curse of uncleanness, synonymous with sin, is a disease, with medical treatments. Depression. It has clinical causes as well as emotional. Many unknown ailments were attributed to demons or to sinful behavior in absence of any obvious physiological cause.

For the ones who are making the diagnosis, it can be of small consequence. Without true empathy, they are outside the problem and looking in, being able to metaphorically, 'go home' at the end of the day without experiencing the problem’s effects.

If, and I say if for the sake of being open to correction, if gender identity issues have a genetic, or hormonal, or other physical reason, it is a tragedy that those in authority are not aware of this possibility. By assuming our behavior is a willful transgression of the truth, we are indicted, judged and sentenced without a trial.

If our behavior is a choice based on freedom of conscience as a preferred way to express ourselves, the idea of Romans 14 comes into the picture. The balance of weaker/stronger brethren is a delicate one, and the church has struggles with it constantly. Do you play cards, dance or go to movies? Some churches find those behaviors inherently sin-filled, and must be avoided. Others do not have such prohibitions, but will have some type of behavioral code of conduct that is considered, 'proper'. It is in these matters of social behavior that we must acknowledge this truth. To become a part of a church, we must find a group of believers that has the same general view of things we believe also. Simple, but true. Crossdressing may or may not be within the accepted behavior. Navigating a change in that view is not impossible, but daunting.

Fear of Otherness or strangeness is a huge factor. What is unknown is often scary and disturbing. As unknowns, transgender folk fit that category in many people's minds. Can we educate the fear away? Possibly. However, it usually happens in congregations that already have dealt with fear of the Other. I am currently involved in a congregation that I am either stealth, or accepted without comment. You cannot know unless you come out. I am building relationships and seeing their hearts. If I end up sharing my own personal situation, it will by default, become a test of their own convictions. What happens afterwards is an unknown future scenario I will face once we arrive there.

I would encourage you to look at your own church situation using a similar analysis of their theology, their leadership methods, their openness and their love. Each situation is unique, so no pat answers are available. Praise God, this list gives us a forum to discuss the options within the specifics. We should not make the same error of judgment without the facts as we are deploring in others!