"Some may disagree with me, but cross-dressers and transsexuality are two different dynamics that don't necessarily lead to one-another...Your identity is up to you to discover, but that you have been cross dressing for many years may only mean you are a cross-dresser and that fully transitioning isn't in the cards for you." - Bren B

This recent posting on the TG Christians List by Bren had some excellent advice.

Her comments brought into focus a theme/thread that reoccurs constantly among the members of that group, who range across the entire gender spectrum. Many are struggling with their 'place' or their progress, or do not know how to define themselves or find a good direction for their lives.

It is the idea that the spectrum of TG experience is actually a path that must lead to a specific goal (i.e. a complete transition, whatever that means) and that goal is more legitimate than another set of choices. This idea troubles me greatly.

Whether we would agree with Bren or not, these reoccurring questions concern defining differences between crossdressers and transsexuals. This is a critical issue, as it is so easy to allow differences to divide us rather than unite one another.

I know of no one other than the Lord with the ability to literally read another person's mind. Since the essence of our pursuit of gender identity all reside within our minds, we are left with two choices... believe the person is telling the truth about themselves (along with how their needs are met), or don't believe them and force a different interpretation on their words.

As an aside, though I desire to know (read?) the mind of Christ, I see Him in this life through "the mirror dimly" because of my fallible flesh. So much for mind reading! If I desire to know His mind, I must rely on the Word of God and His Holy Spirit to interpret it.

OK, back to the main idea. If we listen carefully to our explanations of our gender conflicts, no matter what they are, we are still seeking basic human needs. Wholeness. Comfort. Acceptance. Forgiveness. A sense of belonging and of 'Normality".

It is painful to realize that our essential natures tend to drive us to compete with one another rather than compliment one another. Maybe it is a residual testosterone effect, but to feel we must compete to do more and more changes to our bodies and our lives, in order to justify our place as legitimate trans-somethings...well, that is so sad.

I could list the things I have personally done. Part of the reason I write my "Out of the Box" articles is to chronicle my own journey, but they are also for encouragement and support for others who are concerned about their own path. If I made one, my list would consist of decisions and attempts for my own peace of mind. Such a list would include actions and processes that were either more or less 'complete' than any other persons. Even making such a list has the potential of boasting or pride. Rather, when asked about a specific path or decision someone is wondering about, we should consider our own personal experiences and share them as such. ( Someone once said, " Advice is free, and it is worth the price".)

So, then, if I rack up enough points, will I get to be called a (fill-in-the-blank)? Is a label that important? I think not. What is important is to listen carefully to where a person is and, like Bren, suggest ideas to suit what that person is looking for, rather than some idealized goal. There is no idealized goal, only individual ones.

The words that really chill my blood are: 'ONLY A' or 'JUST A'. We should be careful whenever we attempt using them. Are we ranking or categorizing someone with them? "Let your 'Yes', be Yes and your 'No', be No." Clearly, we should err on the side of accepting one another's self identity and honor it. Over time, their understanding of themselves may change (almost assured of that!) so they should be free to do so without fear of judgment.

In I Corinthians 13, the "agape love" passage says even moving mountains is nothing if we don't have love. If I completed every gender related medical, hormonal or surgical procedure available and changed every document, every relationship and every aspect of my life, if I am without love, I am nothing. So much for labels.

So, my request is to consider how we well love one another, not how we analyze the differences that make us a (fill-in-the-blank).

BTW, I do agree that showing discernment is another matter. We are called to be discerning as it is part of wisdom. We should not ignore or be blind to differences in one another's calling to completeness, however we should neither weigh them in importance nor rank each another based on them.

We transfolk make up a beautiful array of gender variations that we should celebrate. Are you a (fill-in-the-blank)? Celebrate it! An enthusiastic (fill-in-the-blank)? That is fantastic! As long as we are supporting one another in our journey, we will grow in wisdom and mature in Christ.

(Read the subsequent dialog between Roxanne and Kathy, in Kathy's article, "The Olive Garden - Thoughts on Transitioning and Community Unity" on this page.)