What is our fascination with the Mirror? We are drawn to them like moths to a flame. The mystical function of a mirror is to show us the thing we cannot see without it...our physical image, most especially our face. Through the ages, painted portraits, carved cameos, antique silhouettes, photographs and videos have all served as image catchers and records of our appearance, but mirrors show us the most vivid, real time version of what the rest of the world, the 'Other Who Is Not Us', sees.

What does the 'Other' see? They see our outward flesh and the ways we groom, clothe and decorate it. The inward nature of our thoughts, hopes, dreams, desires are not visible in the same tangible ways, but we do convey a dimly formed hint of those aspects through our adornment. When our inner self does not match the outer form, there is conflict. Our words may try to bridge the gap in understanding who we are. We say, "I am man" or "I am woman". They say, "Oh, really? Hmmm. I do not see evidence of what you are saying. You do not look like what I expect when you use those words. If you showed a better fit to my criteria for those labels, then I might accept your words as truth."

So we ask ourselves, "What are they seeing that communicates a different truth from that which I long for them to see?" And we go to the mirror and look. The looking leads to evaluating. Each aspect of our appearance is scrutinized. Our height. Our body frame. Our hair. Our skin. Do we have characteristics that point to male or female? How close is every physical aspect to an indisputable Yea or Nay on the gender label we yearn for? Herein lies the trap of the mirror. The Ideal Foolproof Passing Persona.

What is this Ideal? First of all, it does not actually exist physically. It is a subjective evaluation that is only valid within the one doing the evaluating. Second, it is more a mathematic proposition than a real measure. No matter what the attribute, there are people in any gender definition that may have it vary from some statistical norm. If the average height of all females is 5'- 4 1/2", do taller or shorter females automatically become suspect as male? Absurd. It is the combination of many aspects together that make one 'read' as a particular gender. Trying to idealize one gender based physical aspect does not insure any other aspects will be re-evaluated toward the ideal. Another problem with the ideal is that it will never be universally held.

So we are left with an Art of Gender Based Physical Change, not a Science. Our physical appearance will be judged without our consent, using criteria we cannot change, with results over which we have no control. An attempt to altering each aspect to move closer to a norm is all we can do. The results of our changes may bring us personal satisfaction or they may feed the desire to make further alterations toward the Ideal. Michael Jackson's saga of plastic surgery is a great example of the relentless push to an ideal that most would consider a failure. We must weigh the risks and understand that there are no guarantees for our efforts to produce the Ideal Foolproof Passing Persona. An IFPP is an illusive goal, but most of us set out on the path toward it, no matter how far we ultimately progress.

(Worthy of note is the fact that the single most dramatic of changes in our bodies, sexual reassignment surgery, is not usually something the Other actually sees. Genital identity IS gender identity to the non-transgender world. Our genitalia or our breasts/chests are also aspects of gender change that is within our ability to observe directly without a mirror! We see exactly what others would see (if we were willing to expose ourselves and they could see). It is validation of our identity matching our body because we can function just as objectively as the Other in viewing our body.)

There are a number of transwomen and transmen who have successfully remained undetected...but only in theory! Unfortunately for them, it is only after they are outed (and by definition no longer in a foolproof passing mode) that we may see and marvel at their past success. The truly IFPP is never visible for us to acclaim! So, like the Yeti or Bigfoot, we assume they exist but will never know until they are no longer passing. What a conundrum! If you are successful, no one will ever know but you. But back to the Mirror.

The Mirror is the most uncompromising of critics. It does not lie. What you see is what you get. All clichés, but true.

The Mirror should be used as a tool for reasonable evaluation, not a wishing well or crystal ball. We will be healthier mentally and emotionally if we can see ourselves more objectively. As I look at my self, I should ask these questions:

Everyone has limits to their personal resources for making changes, and there are limits to the technology to make those changes. In that light, all changes are compromises from our Ideal. We must make choices as to how far to go and how to love ourselves at each point along our journey. The Face we see in the Mirror will age and ultimately die. That overriding reality should put all our efforts in perspective. Learning to live in contentment with who we are and what we have is the key to joyous living. Our spiritual health has more to do with how we live in relationship to our Ideal than all the plastic surgery in the universe. If we are humble before God, and admit our creaturely limitations, the compulsion to keep seeking the Ideal will fade so that we may learn to enjoy whatever we see in the Mirror.