In recent months, my desire has been to find ways to educate others to the various aspects of our transgendered experience. This desire has several impulses behind it. The primary one is since I had been isolated and fearful for so long, any opportunity to expand the horizons of another person brings me great satisfaction. Our community is so hidden, it does not exist in most individual’s minds. If the only images of transgendered experience are those portrayed in the media, we are doomed to be continually misunderstood, ridiculed and dismissed as perverts or worse. My admiration for people like Renee Richards has increased all the more as I consider the strength of character it took to take a stand so openly. So, in small steps and with a lot of soul searching, I began the process to become a person who reaches out of our community to the world at large.

How does one do this? First, you must have a desire to do it. If you are content to be in the closet until the grave, this discussion will not have much meaning. But if you have any desire to someday go in public and be treated with acceptance and dignity, consider these ideas with me.

Why are we closeted? The main reason is fear of the reaction of others. Why do we fear that reaction? Because we are sure in our hearts it will be a terrible, life threatening or humiliating experience. One of the reasons is we have heard stories, or we have actually had bad things happen to us while dressed. So the fear is legitimate. But we have all kinds of risks we face everyday and we still leave the house. We have decided in most cases that the benefits outweigh the risks.

How do we get to the point of comfort with taking this kind of risk? Let me tell my own story, as it will give more concrete examples of the process.

First, and foremost, I came to the personal decision that who I am is not shameful or wrong. God made me this way and I must trust Him that there is a way to make it part of my real life. This occurred as I interacted with others to form a strong sense of identity as a transgendered person.

I studied books and had long discussions to ground my self. Once that initial confidence took root, a great number of opportunities presented themselves, and I took positive steps rather than retreating.

Second, I joined a support group. I was indeed blessed to have a very strong and established one near my home. It is dedicated to educating as one of its primary missions. But it was the personal friendships and sisterly advice and grooming that was key. In the course of one years time, I lost 80 lbs, practiced makeup artistry, bought a ‘normal’ woman’s wardrobe, and began slowly trying my wings in public. I was very nervous at first, and depended upon my more experienced sisters to guide me through the rough spots. How to get in a car in a skirt. How to walk and carry myself. What items to carry in a purse. How to order in a restaurant. Driving etiquette. Eye contact. Voice inflection. How to dress appropriately to a situation, like any woman would know. Getting proper ID and credit cards. Learning to respond to my femme name. The list goes on and on.

The truth is it has been as intense a course of study as I have ever done in my life. My innate feminine sensibilities have been nurtured in this practice and I now find that people around me are usually convinced of my gender being female. I am fortunate to have enough characteristics of height, build, facial shape, etc. to fit in fairly comfortably. But the key has been confidence. There are plenty of women who are taller, heavier, plainer, than I am , but they have no doubt when they leave the house that they are women!

The next step has been to build a community of real world people to interact with on a regular basis. I have come ‘out’ to sme very clse friends, a co-worker I trust, my therapist, hairdresser, manicurist, tailor, dress shop owner, electrologist, wig stylist and see them regularly. They are now friends and as I build my self identity, I have added reinforcement in public with them. As I observe others around me accepting me as normal, the fear of being read has diminished over time. Ask yourself, who is really going to come up to you and question something as personal as your gender if there is any doubt in their mind or no reason to care. Teenage boys are the least understanding, but my life rarely requires being around their groups or hangouts.

Another step is attitude. I approach people with a smile and look them in the eye. I am polite and gracious. For 99.9% of the population, the response will be in kind. Why wouldn’t it be? If another response is forthcoming, it is their problem, not mine.

So, by this time, I have developed an inner confidence of who I am, a convincing appearance, a group of supportive friends and a good attitude. Now I am ready to reach out.

Our group contacts local colleges and universities to see if there is a class on gender related issues that we may be able to help by making a presentation. Ur outreach director uses the internet and has had many positive responses. Usually, they professor has never had a T.G. individual in their classroom and are anxious to verify our being appropriate. We either make our website available or have an initial meeting with them if necessary. On the day of the class, we meet ahead with the professor to introduce ourselves and cover our outline. We present our ‘personal testimonies’ and some basic ‘Gender 101' information and then open up for questions.

The look on the students faces when we enter the room is like watching a deer in the headlights. They are aware when we are coming, who and “what” we are and the tension is palpable. It takes about half the class time to warm them up. By the end they are applauding and several always come up to us to ask more questions. It is unfortunate that many times they must leave for another class, limiting the later interaction. However, we get some amazing responses. I had one girl say that when I came in the room she thought I was one of the women professors. Another said I looked like her mother! (I was old enough to be, too!) But those are the fun aspects. The serious teaching is the most satisfying. I always ask them, ‘Now that you have met us, what would you think, or do, or say if you saw someone in public that you supposed to be cross-dressed?’ It is a fascinating moment. They are changed forever. We have given them all the reason in the world to see us a human, normal, warm people, with not a hint of being perverse, weird or dangerous. What a blessing! Twenty five more people in the world who are transformed into accepting us as legitimate and regular folks. Each person they tell about us are then challenged to do the same.

One young man at the Catholic University of America wrote a long thoughtful and touching letter to us after our last presentation. He said his experience of being gay had been difficult at the school. However, we inspired him with our courage and honesty and it changed his whole outlook on his own situation. It is seeing this kind of change in a life that is most gratifying.

This is long hard work. Too many years of silence are having to be overcome. We need as many soldiers in this struggle as can be found. I trust you will consider how you may do something to help. Review the steps I followed and see where you are in your own journey. Contact me if you wish and I will try to help you discover a workable path.

Two thousand years ago, a small handful of discouraged disciples were transformed in their inner spirit once they knew the Truth. They turned the world upside down once they were transformed. I pray you may also become disciples of the Lord Jesus. From there, a ministry of reconciliation on several levels may occur. First of all, and most importantly, for the lost to recognize their need for Jesus Christ. And if you are called to do so, to be engaged in outreach...transforming hearts to accept those of us who are different from themselves.

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