by
Tery Maine
Love: The Final Apologetic
(With Apologies to Francis Schaefer)
A little more than 20 years ago I read a book which had a dramatic impact on me. It was a thin paperback, no more than 50-60 pages long, entitled "The Mark of a Christian", by Francis Schaefer. In this book Dr. Schaefer called love "The Final Apologetic." All of our fine arguments from scripture, from philosophy, from science, from personal experience, all of our stories of miracles, even God' s performance of miracles in the presence of the unbeliever will fall to prove the validity of the Christian claim in the absence of love by the Christian.
Jesus said it plainly enough in John 13.35, "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." Our love testifies of our Christianity to a lost and dying world.
Our love also testifies of our Christianity to other Christians. Those of us who struggle with gender issues often find great opposition in the church. At the crux of this opposition is the assumption that one could not be gender conflicted and also a Christian. This assumption comes from a lack of understanding of a few scriptures, confusion of gender conflicts with sexual misconduct, fear of variance, or simple prejudice.
Too often we, myself included, hear a concern expressed by another Christian about our Christianity and we leap to the attack armed with our historical data on Deuteronomy 22:5, our logical arguments, our challenge to find transsexualism in the Bible, etc. These all may be good arguments, but I fear we use them prematurely. These should come after we get to know the other person and not before. Even then, they should be used only in the context of loving discussion and not in that of a battle.
The ultimate proof of our Christianity to the Christian as well as the unbeliever is our love. Love really is the final apologetic. It is hard to attack someone who will not attack back. It is hard to remain angry at someone who will not return that anger. It is hard to question the Christianity of one who says, sincerely, "You're in my prayers."
What I'm talking about is "aggressive loving." It means loving those who hate me. It means doing good to those who try to do evil to me. It means taking some hits and not returning the same.
"But that's hard," you say. Yes, it is. It is so hard that you can't do it. You can't do it all by yourself, that is. But with the power of God working in you, you can do it. It still isn't easy. Nobody ever claimed living the Christian life would be. We are promised persecutions as Christians. Some of it may come from our fellow believers.
So, what are some practical things we can do to aggressively love others?
1. Don't do what you feel like doing. A few years ago, there was a saying, "If it feels good, do it." Well, in this case, that phrase should be, "If it feels good, don't do it.'' Like Ezekial's scroll it my be sweet in your mouth, but sour to your stomach. The "natural" response to an attack is to counter attack. But the "supernatural" response is to say attack me if you wish, but I will still love you.
2. Build relationships and not arguments. If someone comes against you, try this. Ask them out to lunch or over for coffee. Say, "Let's get together. Let me get to know you better. And give me a chance to introduce myself to you. After we get to know each other then let's talk about this.
3. Assume the best about the person. We too often label someone who expresses a concern about our gender status as a bigot. This is usually not the case. Believe it or not, most of the time this person has your best interests at heart. If they sincerely believe that you are involved in sin, they are acting honorably, albeit misguidely, in challenging you on that "sin." It is our responsibility to acknowledge that concern and express sincere appreciation for it. Then, and only then, can we gently present our case. This way, even if you continue to disagree, you preserve the relationship.
4. Recognize their pain. I was at church about a year ago when a woman who was visiting marched to the front of the church just as the minister was closing the service. She turned and pointed in my direction, "There is a great evil among you. In your midst in one who .... " By this time, the ministers had surrounded her and were working with her. She quieted down somewhat, but kept coming up the aisle in my direction. I could have been angry, but instead. the Lord placed a great compassion in my heart for her. I could feel pain as much as hatred in her voice. Later that evening the pastor called and told me that from talking to some people who knew her he found out that her husband had just recently left her and began a gay relationship with another man. Well, all that pain and anger was right there and looking for a target. I got chosen, but she was the real victim. When people called expressing concern for me I could honestly say I wasn't hurting as much am she was.
5. Don't avoid them. This is hard, but it really speaks to this person if you treat them as if they never questioned your faith. Shake hands with them just like you would anybody else when you meet them at church. Smile and greet them when you see them in the store. C. S. Lewis in his book "The Four Loves" points out that Agape love is not at feeling but an action in which you treat the person as though you felt love for him or her. Then the magic starts, because the longer you do the closer you come to feeling that love as well.
