by
Jennifer Ann Burnett, MD
(The following is a revised edition of an e-mail I wrote to one of the TS groups on which I regularly post. I wrote this to offer encouragement to someone who had seen just one to many "negative" e-mails from her friends, telling her how awful their "transitions" have been. I wanted to give her my history and the perspective God has shown me regarding all the "bad stuff" that has happened in my life in the last two years.)
Tomorrow (Sept 29, 2005) marks the two year "anniversary" of my transitioning. During the past two years, to put it bluntly, I have gone through hell. When I publicly transitioned, I was betrayed by my spouse who cost me my job, my marriage and my home- all in less than 12 hours! I was told by my son (after explaining to him that it was either "Transition or Die" for me) that I had made the WRONG choice- he would have preferred I had killed myself instead.
I was rejected by my church of 400 and only one person ever contacted me afterwards. I lost 99% of my friends. I had a serious post-op bleeding complication from facial surgery that nearly cost me my life. I sat unemployed for 9 months, unable to get even a short-term job. Even after (in March of this year) I was able to find work as a temporary doctor, I was "found out" (due to an unofficial web site which didn't have my updated doctor certificates) and my assignment at one clinic in a small town in northern WA was terminated early by a very bigoted clinic manager (she told me to leave the clinic immediately and be out of town by the following morning!)
My first psychiatrist (a post-op TS herself), who was supposed to give me my second letter for my SRS had an axe to grind against evangelical Christians. She tore into me during our first session together, reducing me to tears, because I had the audacity to say I STILL trusted God, even when I had been screwed over by my former church and all of these supposed Christians once I started transitioning. (By God's grace, I was able to rally in the end and delivered the most passionate and Spirit-filled testimony of my LOVING Heavenly Father that I have ever given in my life!)
These are only a few of the "high points" (actually, most were very LOW points) of what I went through in the last two years. My "gender doctor" even told me that of the almost 500 TS patients she has treated, the destruction and "bad luck" that occurred after my decision to transition was the worst she has ever seen any of her patients suffer. You might ask, "So where is all the POSITIVE stuff you said you had to share?"
It is this: "God causes ALL things to work together for good, for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." (Rom 8:28).
All the pain and loss and the terrible trials I went through have changed me, purified me from a lot of crap that I had tolerated for far too long in my Christian life, just like the "refiner's fire" of Mal 3:2. Because of my suffering, I was made far more sensitive to the hurts in others, becoming a much better counselor and friend than I could have been before. Because I was in so much agony, despairing of life more times than I could count, I drew closer to my Heavenly Father than I even thought was possible. So many nights I cried myself to sleep, singing that old hymn, "Who Have I But You?"
But then God started using me in miraculous ways, bringing healing into the lives of many who sought me out, suffering still as an adult from having been grown up with GID and some who were additionally warped and destroyed by childhood physical and sexual abuse. "Hard core" agnostics came to know the Lord- not so much by my verbal witness, but because they saw Jesus in me, doing things that they couldn't explain by natural means. I began to understand the truth of Phil 3:10, seeing Him work in me the "power of His resurrection" and realizing that to exercise this power we must first be willing to experience "the fellowship of His sufferings".
God has continually proven the truth of His Word to me: Phil 4:13 "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me". I have seen Him use me when I totally lacked the will or the energy to do anything- for "My grace is sufficient for you, My power is perfected in your WEAKNESS" (2 Cor 12:9). I have learned that "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Ps 37:4) does not so much mean that we can "make" God give us what we want if we do good things, but rather something far different.
If we make God the central focus of our lives- if our greatest joy is to live in such a manner that we bring Him honor as His children- then He puts HIS very own desires into our hearts and we just naturally want to do what pleases Him! That is an incredible feeling, to KNOW that whatever you are asking in prayer will be granted, for You are asking Him to accomplish what He already determined to do! I am not always in this "Zone", but when it happens it is so wonderful and gives you such a peace and assurance. I am still going through trials now, but God is continuing to do His work to transform me into the "Woman of God" He has always planned for me to be, since He knitted me together as His "special" daughter in my mother's womb (Ps 139:13).
And at long last, I am seeing wonderful things happen in my career. My last 3 months were spent (again as a temporary doctor until the permanent one they had hired could start Oct 3) in a small city in central Washington. God has granted me a great time here- doing very well with my patients and becoming a favorite member of the clinic staff (They gave me a surprise going away party last Friday and 18 people showed up- they usually get a turn out of 6-7 people at these parties and they have been for people leaving after spending years of time here!).
And if all goes well during my second site visit to a residency training program in central CA, I shall become a faculty member and an assistant professor at a major university. I will be realizing a career dream to teach young doctors and medical students how to practice medicine (especially rural family practice with obstetrics, which had been my particular specialty throughout most of my career). I already have their contract- all I need to do is sign it, which I intend to do AFTER I "share" with the residency director about my past medical history and my special area of expertise in TG medical care. I feel that God desires me to be "up front" with my [future] boss so that I may incorporate the care of TG patients into my practice/residency teaching).
SO, actually EVERYTHING that has happened, even the "bad" stuff, has had a purpose, for I would not be WHERE I am now, and I wouldn't be WHO I am without all the trials, etc. that I had to go through along the way.
I hope this encourages all who walk a similar path to the one I have:
"God Works ALL Things Together for Good..."
Walking in His Wondrous Love and Grace,
