The time we knew each other just wasn't meant to last.
Who ever could have guessed that life would end so fast?
We took for granted those few times we talked to one another.
As if our lives were just a game that would go on forever.
We didn't make the visits that we wish we had made now.
But then, how could we ever know? Know when, know where, know how?
What's the purpose of this all? Please tell us, we implore!
How hard it is to grasp - you're not here for us any more.
It's difficult to understand; no point in asking why.
The only truth there is to know, it was your time to die.
Although we'll miss you very much, we know it's for the best.
Your pain has now subsided. You'll get your well-earned rest.
You'll always live inside our hearts, long after our tears dry.
The one thing we will always have - the memories that never die.
Dear friends,
I have some further information regarding Lee Frances.
I am in Jackson at this time, having traveled from Phoenix on Wednesday. On Thursday (yesterday) morning I was blessed to be able to spend a couple of hours with Lee in her home. We shared a light breakfast and talked about all that had happened since our last visit. Despite her health concerns, Lee was in very good spirits. She has always trusted her Lord to provide for her, and knew that He would do so through her illness.
I told of my son's medical school graduation coming this Saturday. Lee replied, lightly but sincerely, that she anticipated a "graduation" of her own soon. I knew what she meant. Lee did not fear death. Like all of us, she hoped to avoid a prolonged dying experience, and to go promptly and peacefully in God's time. And so she did.
I think God allowed me that one last visit with my "mom" before he called her home where she is free from all pain and can breathe freely, run and delight in His heaven.
As for me, I rejoice for Lee but I am personally distraught with grief. Lee Frances was the first transgendered person I met when I came out into the "community." She loved and accepted all of us, and let us know in no uncertain terms that God loves and accepts all of us too.
Sometimes, before my transition, it seemed that the only times of peace and solace I knew came at Lee's home. She realized before I did that I was meant to complete a full transition. I will never forget the conversation where I asked her, "So, where do you see me five years from now?" She replied without hesitation, "I see you living as a woman, of course." Oh, I thought, it's that obvious to others... She always had perfect advice for me and it was always in line with God's love.
Lee had not been comfortable the last couple of years. Her knees gave her much discomfort and she fell sometimes. Just last Sunday, she was confirmed in the Episcopal church of St. Andrew here in Jackson, and slipped and fell "in the gutter" as she put it while getting out of the car. Looking up from the gutter she saw the beautiful banners on the steeple and knew God was present. Lee required home oxygen and had visiting nurses checking on her. One of the things we discussed yesterday was a plan to build a ramp in anticipation of her getting a wheelchair.
Lee Frances Heller was my mentor, my spiritual guide, my surrogate Mom, my dear friend and my sister in Christ. I will miss her and love here always. She is in that place where we will see her again one day and rejoice. Let us praise her life well lived.
With love and fondest memories,
Becky Allison
Dear friends,
Who could not love Lee! My heart is broken, but I am so glad for her. No more struggling for breathe or straining just to propel herself down the hall. No more worries about bills. No more having to depend on others. She was at peace when she died and now her peace and joy are eternal. She'd been in touch recently with many people who loved her. She knew death was near and rejoiced in where she would be going. Pray that we all can have Lee's kind of faith. When I invited Lee to come to church with me some years ago, I had some misgivings. I avoid drawing attention to myself and I hate to appear ridiculous. When she called out of the blue and asked if I had been serious about offering to take her to church, I knew it was put-up or shut-up time. Either Christianity means something or it doesn't. I didn't just test my own Christianity. I tested the truth of the witness of St. Andrew's Either my church community is what it says it aspires to be or it isn't. "Why me, Lord?"
Me, because God had plopped Lee Frances right down into my life and to be true to myself and to God, I had to say, "Yes." And because Lee Frances Heller was one of the most loveable old women that ever lived.
The first Sunday Lee went with me, she appeared in a large hat. Now Saint Andrew's isn't all that formal. Half of the men wear suits on Sunday, half wear whatever they want. Hats on Easter, maybe--maybe as many as one woman in ten. Not quite usual for a regular Sunday. She looked nice and that's all I had to say on the subject. That Sunday, the cathedral was installing the new school headmaster. He showed up with his whole family, and all the women (Watson, Watkins--something like that) wore hats. We get into our pew, about fifth from the front, Epistle (left)side. This little old lady scoots over on her derriere and whispers (Episcopalians are usually quiet before the Eucharist) "Sugah, I noticed you're wearin' a hat. I see all the Watkins ladies are wearin' hats. Are you one of the Watkinses?" And Lee, at her absolutely charming best, smiling warmly, answered, "Why, no, I just always wear a hat in church." The two old women were so sweet with each other, I knew Lee had found a home. I think she knew it too. The clergy knew from the beginning. Most of the congregation came to know in time. I never got the slightest bit of flack. In the early days, when only a few people knew--understand it was Lee who spread the word--when I'd show up without Lee, when she wasn't well enough to go, people would ask me, "Where's your mother?"
So many people loved Lee!
Peter
Dear friends,
I am having a real hard time with this. On Thursday, the day before she died, she had asked me to be sure to come to Jackson soon, as it was to be my last chance. I never made it.
I had long supplied all the funds necessary to publish Love Letter, and some G&L, so that her project could be always sent out free. When her computer died, I sent the new I-MAC. We were working on "Tracts" to give to pastors on trans people. All part of my missionary gifts. And I was one of the small group of you who sent her monthly funds to live on. Please do not take this bragging. It isn't. It was my love for this wonderful woman and spiritual leader who gave her life for the service of Jesus Christ. In her last years after retirement as superintendent from the Good Shepherd Mission in Patterson, NJ, she gave her all to serve our "community" of people who are rejected perhaps more than any other -- those who are transsexual and transgendered.
You are at peace now, Lee
Julie Johnson
Dear Friends,
Although I knew Lee for only a short time, I, too, share your sadness and grief at her passing. Lee was only the second transgendered person I ever contacted after reading about Grace & Lace in Becky's page in late 1996. We soon began an active e-mail correspondence, culminating in many instant messenger sessions on AOL, when we would catch each other online. After discussing each other's physical ailments, there was always a lesson or two for me in those chats about God's mercy and love.
Lee knew little about computers, but she learned enough so that they eventually were her window to the outside world. I'll always remember her initial suspicions and objections to my wanting to put G&L online for all to see. These soon gave way to approval when she got through the computer jargon and understood what I was trying to do, and that by "linking" to other pages, I wasn't going directly to the devil!
She would call me whenever her computer was down, and ask me to pass the word to her friends. And she always appreciated the times that I would call to inquire about her health and offer prayers for her well-being. She received a large number of newsletters which she would package up and send to me to keep me abreast of what was going on in the community.
Lee and I were both born in April and seemed to share a common stubbornness which she attributed that to. Although she was a decade older than I, we could also relate to the generation of the depression and WW2. Perhaps that's why we got along so well. It's too bad that Lee never wrote her autobiography. It would have made a fascinating story!
I will always regret not meeting and knowing her personally. But I have known her through our many conversations and through her writings. And, although I am not transgendered, she, too, was a mentor to me. Because of her, I grew in my own faith, inspired by her wonderful love for God and her dedication to spread God's love to the transgendered community. She motivated me to seek spiritual renewal and begin an intense Bible study that continues to this day.
Lee touched many lives in so many different ways, including mine. I was proud to call her friend. I will never forget her.
Bob
How can I summarize a person's life of 81 years in a few moments? It's an impossible task, so I offer some brief reflections on the 'matron' of the Transgender Community in Mississippi!
Lee Frances continued her service to the community through 'Grace and Lace'. Always operating on a shoe-string budget, she never doubted the Lord was calling her to 'reach out' to others who were confused, distressed or rejected; often by others who profess to preach God's word!
She made plans to have 'Grace and Lace' continue to reach out to others, but also felt compelled to spread the 'Good News' through her 'LoveLetter'.
Most people would have stopped any activity after a stroke that left her heart working at only 25% of its normal capacity, but not Lee--she continued to share God's love with all her strength.
Lee was the 'mother' of the Transgendered Community! She never hesitated to listen to our hurts, to nurture us during our doubts and fears and always reminded us that we are 'gifted'!
Lee never tired of learning more about the Lord and his plans for her.
She spoke many times of the joy she experienced in going to the classes
to learn more about the Lord. She particularly enjoyed experiencing the
love of a faith-filled community!
Melanie, President of Aurora/Central Mississippi
Dear Friends,
I attended Leo's Memorial Service this morning and was blessed to finally meet so many of the special people in his life that I had heard about for the last year and a half. You see, God sent me to clean for Leo 2 to 3 times a week, and I just want to share some of the special times we shared in hopes that it would bring some levity to this very sad time in all of our lives, especially my little one, Anni. To Leo, this was his granddaughter, and to Anni, this was her "grandpa Leo."
I met Leo after he responded to an ad I placed in our local paper, while continuing with the aftermath of a horrible divorce. When he told me he was on oxygen, that's all it took. My own father had died while on oxygen. I walked into his trailer, after being told "his wife had died." I walked down the hallway and hollered out from the back, "Leo, I thought you told me your wife died. Who are you shacking up with?" Needless to say, we laughed about that day for months. He asked did I mind the fact that he was a "crossdresser", and my response was, "Why certainly not. I wash my pantyhose. I'll be more than glad to wash yours too."
Our friendship continued. When he met my 3 girls, love instantly was created between him and my third child, Anni. They e-mailed each other everyday of the world. After Leo fell, he missed 2 days, and Anni stood at the end of my bed, crying, saying that she just knew something was wrong with grandpa Leo...could we please call? The time was 8:15, and I knew he was in bed, but we phoned anyway. When I heard the sheer delight in his sleepy voice that there was a little angel who loved him that much, all I could do was to quietly thank God for this special man, my surrogate Daddy.
He had nowhere to go last Thanksgiving, so I asked would he please come to my house for dinner. His rosy cheeks beamed as he graciously accepted and questioned "What to wear!!" We went next door to my neighbor's home, and she had her 84 year old mom visiting from La. Leo had a wonderful day and remarked , "Had I noticed that he had not used his oxygen once?" He told me that "it was the very best Thanksgiving he had ever had in his life." What a wonderful feeling that was for me to make that special person in my life that happy.
We began really cleaning, because Dr. Becky was coming. He wanted to clean out the back room. Amid all the clothing catalogues and dresses, I told him, "You are worse than any old lady I've ever seen in my life. You have a real shopping disorder. These catalogues must go." He, with those beautiful blue eyes, whined, "Oh no, you mustn't throw then all out." With the impish grin on his face, knowing he could get anything out of me, I conceded, "just this time....for now on this mess must go. We have to get this trailer looking like a proper lady lives her and not a packrat." His stomach rolled with laughter. Needless to say, I never missed an opportunity to pick at him...but he loved it!
I could go on and on; we shared so much fun and laughter together, something I think he sorely missed. I never left his home that he didn't say, "We must pray for you and the girls before you leave." As he finished, I would ask God to "bless Leo too" and he would look up and smile. I told him he better pray long and hard for his heathen cleaning lady, so that I would not murder my ex. His comment, "If anything happens to Joe, you'll cry the hardest." With that I told him to "stick it in his ear." He screamed with laughter.
I loved and accepted my Leo as if I had, known him all my life. No matter how badly those knees were hurting, he always wanted me to sit and tell him everything that was going on in our lives. He always had the right advice and made me feel so special. He unconditionally accepted me, too, with all my anger and resentments, and helped me to know my God better.
One thing in closing --- the Sunday after his leaving me high and dry with a totally distraught 10 year old, I drove to 5:30 mass by myself and talked out loud the entire 4 mile trip. It went something like this: "OK, you *************, you went off and left me, now what? I know you can see and hear everything going on, and all I can say is you BETTER come up with something real good when I hook your computer up for Anni tonight. That little girl is hurting something terrible. I mean it, Leo! You better pull a real good rabbit out of this hat , because I don't appreciate what you have done, ONE BIT! You understand me, you little ***********!!!!"
Anni was still crying when I returned home saying, "I deleted all of Grandpa Leo's email. I don't have anything left." I said, "Baby, let's just turn it on and see." The old lady never let me down before and low and behold........the first file Anni opened was a "SAVED" email Leo had written to her with very sage advice on how a young lady should be with her boyfriend, and how to treat other boys. My heart almost burst. Not only had the rat heard me, but he saved the best letter he ever wrote to my little one!!!!!!!
We will all see him again, in his glory, and with our other family members. My Leo is in wonderful company -- he's with my first Daddy, and all the other men in my family. I told Anni we have a super guardian angel to always look after us, and I believe it with all my heart.
Know that Leo loved you all so very much. We talked for hours about your sorrows, trials and tribulations, and I know what a Godsend he was to us all. God's voice does come to us through others, and Leo was a wonderful messenger.
One small request-- will you please take the time to e-mail Anni sometime at SW33TY155@aol.com? It would help this little girl so much. If I can be of any help to anyone reading, please don't hesitate to ask. Talk to Leo; he hears us all. Pray that we can be to others even a fraction of what Leo was to us and all those he came to know.
Love,
Susie......Anni's Mom
I won't speculate as to why Lee's birth family did not want a memorial service, but I know Lee wanted one. She'd reminded me several times that I was to see to it if her family didn't. Lee's church family welcomed her with open arms and welcomes you in the same manner and spirit. After confirmation and prayers for healing, Bishop Marble told her it was an honor to confirm her. She just beamed.
There will be a memorial service at St. Andrew's for her. I've talked to one of the priests. Not this coming week but the week after. I'll try to give everybody on this list at least a week's notice and count on you to spread the word. Nice as memorials are, your friendship during life is what sustained her. That was the real tribute to her.
I, too, rejoice in Lee's return to her Lord, but I am devastated at the void she leaves in my life. I have never known a holier person, man or woman. I've never known anyone who loved God more. I've never known a truer friend. She dedicated her last years to being fully the person God made her to be and to telling the world that "God loves you no matter what."
I'd taken recently to addressing emails to Lee with the salutation, "Hey, Old Woman." She seemed to get a kick out of it. I asked her once if God had taken to calling her "Old Woman." "Not yet," she said with a chuckle. She talked about death, knew it couldn't be far off, but knew she'd be here as long as God needed her to be. It occurs to me that finally making peace with one small corner of organized religion after a lifetime of rejection was her final "Yes" to God and God's last earthly gift to her. She said to me repeatedly how happy and content she was.
If I were going to write "My Most Unforgettable Character", it certainly would be about Lee Frances Heller.
Peter
SW33TY155@aol.com
