by
Stef Matthews
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A few years ago, a transsexual acquaintance of mine said those exact words to me. I argued with her vehemently, until I convinced myself that she was either crazy or just plain dumb. Her "logic" was the CD's really wanted to be women but didn't have the guts to transition. I couldn't convince her otherwise. But after two more screwdrivers, she started talking about car engines, so the topic was dropped.
But in my head, I stored the line she'd spouted: that all crossdressers were liars. Sometime later I thought about it, and I think she might have been right. Not that all crossdressers want to be women. I don't claim to speak for all of us, just me. I don't want to be a woman. I don't want RLT, HRT, SRS or even ESP. I simply enjoy the somewhat mindless entertainment of getting made up, presenting myself as a woman and even passing in somewhat dark situations. But it was the "liar" word that stuck in my craw.
I don't consider myself a lair. I don't steal paperclips from the TGF corporate supply cabinet. I put postage on my replies to all of my fan mail. I even keep the washer fluid level of the TGF corporate limousine topped off (one of my many duties). But, I finally thought back about the times I had lied.
One Wednesday morning, in my early teens, my Mother comes into my room and wakes me, she says, "Have you been playing with my makeup?" And I lied and said "No! I was trying to put makeup on Fluffy" (our bastard mascot at the time). Well, my Mother - as smart as she can be - bought it. Then later she detected something amiss in her stocking/accessory drawer and once again she came to me and asked, "Have you been in my dresser young man?" Again I lied and said no. After three hours under the grilling lights, I finally admitted that I had; but only to find a headband like the one my "crush" (one Roberta C.) had worn to school that day. She bought that too. I lied on another occasion and said that I was sick and HAD to stay home from school. Then as soon as she left for work, I promptly went to her closet to try on my favorite blue (with white polka dots) dress from her closet. She noticed that too.
Then I got clever. I figured out that if I didn't want to get caught in my "little adventures" into Mom's closet that I had better plan things out more carefully. So I started making notes, drawing the exact layout of things in her closet and drawers, and even took a couple of Polaroid's so that I could be sure I put things back exactly as they were. All was fine for a long, long time. Until...
Apparently, I neglected to return one of Mom's slips to the right drawer and absent-mindedly left it lying on her bed. She got home from bowling league and within minutes knew that I had slipped up! More hours under the grilling lights and finally I admitted to everything. The whole truth - no lies. My soul was free of guilt. Even though I was grounded until graduated from high school.
Then, about 13 years ago, I crossdressed again for Halloween. Shortly after that, Mom called and talked to my (now) ex-wife and I heard my wife almost bragging about what fun we had and that I had won second place in the costume contest -- dressed as a woman. When I finally tore the phone from her hands, Mom started the conversation with, "So you're into that again?" My final lie, "No! It was a Halloween costume." That's the last we ever talked about it.
So, maybe the TS was right; all crossdressers are liars. But only because we've had so much practice.
As always, I remain...
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Stef Matthews
