"What Really Means Anything?"
by
Dr. Jaye E. Reviere
by
Dr. Jaye E. Reviere
When I got the e-mail message from Bob asking for contributions, I wondered what could I say of relevance, of vitality, of importance, or of interest to Trans People in their quest for a peaceful integration of their trans-being into and with their relationship to and with God. One of the first things to come to mind was a recent book by The Rt. Rev. John S. Spong, Episcopal Bishop of Newark, NJ. entitled: "Why The Church Must Change Or Die." Spong's book is controversial. To say that Bishop Spong is controversial is to make a classic understatement. One of the principal reasons he is controversial is because he supports the claim of the Grace of God for all people, including those who are social outcasts because they are "different" -- meaning homosexual people and others on whom society casts a covering blanket of guilt, shame, and disgrace because they are not like other people are.
Then I began to think of the many twists and turns of my own journey to spiritual, emotional, and personal peace. I was filled with thanksgiving for the blessings and lessons along the way. Many remembrances came flashing into my awareness. Chief among them was the time of the great confrontation, the Cusp of awareness God worked in my life.
Also there were the remembrances of losses, things given up, things left behind and things on which I'd place my deepest most treasured dependence....all ripped from me...discarded...no longer valued. A moment of sadness seemed overwhelming as I thought of losses and, for a second or two, I knew grief for those losses. Then as I began to study the basis for that grief, I realized it was based in my human self and not of God. WOW. A door opened in perception once again allowing me to see how easily we can be captives of our humanity and actually fight against what God is doing in our lives to lift us above our miserable human state.
How, I wondered for a moment, does all this apply to the fact of my transgendered nature, which requires expression by crossdressing? Clarity began to dawn as I recalled the old hymn from my Southern Baptist youth: "Just As I Am", and I began to wonder where and why did the Church, in virtually all of it's manifestations, go wrong? The simple message of that hymn says it all: "Just as I am without one plea..." This message says there's NOTHING we, nothing any of us, nothing any human can do, for God has already done it all for us and gives it to us FREE without cost and without obligation on our part. Is this not the epitome of LOVE, unconditional LOVE? My soul cried out within me: "Yes", came the answer. This Unconditional LOVE is God's gift to all of us, and there's nothing we can do to earn that which has been given to us.
Now, how does this match up with the common message of the Church these days, particularly as that message pertains to people who are different? I'm afraid it matches up very poorly, for the prevailing message of the Church is all too human, all too focused on sin, and all too focused on a sort of legalism that is nothing more than an attempt at a "do it yourself salvation." It won't work. Basically, when it is all boiled out and the gravy alone remains, this is the essence of The Reverend Doctor Spong's thesis in his saying the Church must change or die. The focus of the Church is all wrong. The focus on what is sin and what is not sin is nothing but a works righteousness in a thin disguise. It's nothing but one group self-righteously proclaiming those who differ from it are sinners and beyond the grace of God. Nothing is further from the truth. The Bible literalists among us will speedily search out and select Bible passages either to support my comments or to refute them. One comes to mind, and bear in mind, I am not a Bible Literalist who would use the Bible as a sword to cut and slash those who disagree with me, or with whom I disagree. Yet, I seem to recall something that goes like this: "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God", or something close there unto.
Now, to face for a moment what all writers face. This is: How do I say what I want to say so it won't be misconstrued? There are those who will invariably in complete innocence misunderstand and distort the meaning set forth by any writer. These are the ones about whom I'm concerned. There are those who without fail will misconstrue or misinterpret deliberately, some with malice aforethought, what any writer who does not toe their line has to say. Of these I have no concern, for them I cannot help. It is those who innocently do not understand and innocently warp my words who concern me. Of them I ask patience in my clumsy use of language and a rereading by them so that understanding may dawn.
If I say "God Loves You" and merely repeat anew the words others have said before me, no impact is made, for having seen the words so many times before, their thrust is dulled and their meaning diverted. But if I find a new way, a way you've not previously seen in which to say what is essentially the fundamental truth we all need to know....then as a writer I shall have done my task, and both writer and reader will be blessed.
That cusp I mentioned earlier came many years ago. I was just becoming acquainted with the losses I'd endure because of my transgendered nature and my need to express my inner being by crossdressing. I did not like what I was seeing. I hated it. I hated the self I was discovering. I was fighting against being the who, the how, and the what I was.
The scene is vivid though many years have passed. I lay prostrate on the bed, tears flowed like a waterfall. I was in total anguish, crying out to and at God. I was accusing God of having screwed up in making me as I am made. I was a petulant child. I was angry. I was critical of God. I was demanding of God that correction be made, so I would be as other "men" are....it went on for some time....I don't know how long....then in a pause....a sensation I cannot describe came over me. I heard the voice of God, soft, gentle, loving, yet firm and unchallengable speak. "How dare you! How dare you not want to be as I have created you!" How dare you, indeed!
Listen, dear reader, listen for the voice of God. Listen not to the voices of humans, but for and to only the voice of the Divine Creator of all that is......and your life will change as mine has changed.
Peace and Joy be yours,
Jaye E. Reviere, Ph.D
