"Let The Walls Fall Down"

by

Rachel (Richard) Miller

The bedrock of the United States' governing system affirms that all men are created equal and have certain God-granted rights. It is a nation with a strong spiritual heritage and the dual principles of loving God and loving your neighbor are widely espoused. Many settlers fled religious oppression and came to the U.S. in pursuit of their own personal vision of freedom of spiritual expression. Curiously, even with that backdrop, various groups of citizens, all of them God's children, find themselves treated decidedly unequally by much of society and frequently shunned by many religious organizations.

I have a permanent membership in one of those ill-treated groups and have considerable experience with the pain, guilt and shame inflicted by repeated rejection. The person that I allow everyone to see in public is perfectly acceptable and enables me to move about society freely without causing a ripple. Yet, I feel compelled to continue to hide some of the truth about myself knowing how others would likely react if they knew.

In mid-1991, after spending fifty years in hiding, I embarked on a journey to confront the fear and end my hiding. What is this fearful, secret burden that I have dragged with me? Terror of terrors, I am a man who sometimes likes to wear a dress. That's it! It may not seem like much, but it causes significant repercussions. People label me a transvestite or cross-dresser and many times something far worse. Mostly I'm surprisingly like any other person you know. We hide so deeply in our closets that no one, even our closest loved ones, suspects our secret. Even though you almost certainly know one of us, you don't know that you know.

Once I understood and accepted the cross-dressing part of me, I felt a strong compulsion to share that news with my family and friends, the people I love and care about. I simply had to end the pretending and hypocrisy that had overshadowed so much of my life. Remarkably, after sharing the truth with nearly sixty loved ones, they have all continued our relationships. They saw that I was still the same person they had known and loved over the years and accepted the news as part of my total person. Many relationships have actually deepened. Since I had become vulnerable by telling my story, they felt secure enough to tell their secrets, and these exchanges have resulted in an unexpected mutual easing of burdens.

Even after telling those closest to me, I have continued to withhold that information from most of my daily life. I have considered the corporate workplace out of bounds for fear of losing my job. Stores and restaurants have been avoided for fear of recognition and for my safety. Although I bristle at those restrictions, I have been able to rationalize them with one exception -- church!

I am a spiritual person and strongly desire an accepting church home. For many years I have struggled with the question of how Richard could show the truth about his more feminine side at church. Not being able to show has continued to hammer at my sense of self-worth and has fanned the belief that I am not acceptable. In late August I wrote a letter to the pastors of nine local churches of different denominations, telling my story and asking if I would be welcome at their churches. I included a copy of a poem from my book, The Bliss of Becoming One, that describes my overall character and places cross-dressing in a balanced perspective. I included an extract of an article that I had written several years ago that addresses Biblical concerns.

I have been encouraged that two of the pastors wrote personal notes inviting me to attend. My wife Marsha and I, dressed traditionally, have visited both churches to see how well they fit my needs and how well we fit in. I am continuing to attend services at one church, still in traditional male attire, and have enrolled in a class for prospective new members. I am taking my time before deciding how to proceed.

It is discouraging that in the past month, seven of the pastors have failed to respond -- they haven't said yes, they haven't said no, they haven't said anything. Perhaps the lack of response can be partially attributed to the prejudice towards cross-dressers that stems from negative stereotypical views and there is good reason for many of those views. Most of us try to blend unnoticed into society so only a small percentage is visible. Those who are visible tend to be more flamboyant personalities who often wear gaudy costumes and engage in attention-attracting behavior. Many of us complain that the outrageousness of a few ruins our reputation, still we continue to hide so you don't see the less ostentatious, garden-variety cross-dresser.

Some people believe that cross-dressers are simply getting what we deserve. They consider us sinners and violators of God's word and that justifies ostracizing us and even restricting our civil rights. That point of view is incompatible with the principles of the governing system and with the spiritual principle of love and acceptance and needs to be changed!

The primary obligation for initiating this change resides within the gender community, a general term used to embrace cross-dressers, transsexuals and other people who consider themselves transgendered. We must reduce the degree of hiding and let others see us as we are. Lacking that exposure, attitudes will continue to be based on the few who flaunt themselves in public. If you are transgendered, consider coming a bit further out of your closet and, without taking excessive risks, working for your spiritual freedom and the spiritual freedom of others.

The next most important step rests within the religious community. Religious organizations, churches, ministers and members can exert leadership to change the existing attitudes. Consider demonstrating the love exemplified in this song that I learned last week at a local church.

Governing officials have another crucial role in changing conditions. Only a handful of jurisdictions prohibits discrimination against transgendered people and even the Federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) is not designed to protect us. While we haven't yet wielded significant political clout, all citizens deserve legal protection. If you are a legislator, consider how to help transgendered people to achieve equal status in society.

To change views, active media participation is essential. The July 20 issue of Time ran a constructive story, "Trans Across America," describing the efforts of transgendered people working for equality. The Arts & Entertainment Channel will air "Transgender Revolution" a ground-breaking documentary on October 5. The program moves beyond sensationalism and freak show images and treats us as real people fighting for our civil rights. If you are a member of the media, consider portraying a factual, non-emotional account of transgendered people or issues to dispel some of the negative stereotypes.

The medical community is needed to heal the existing pain and suffering. Most transgendered people function extremely well in society in spite of the difficulties they face, but many have developed significant emotional problems. They have been forced to compartmentalize their lives into a society-acceptable piece while hiding the true-self piece and this disassociation has had dreadful repercussions. The problems are exacerbated by the low level of involvement by the medical profession. If you are a health care professional, consider helping these people to break through their emotional barriers and integrate their lives.

While we have differing beliefs and value systems, we must find ways to demonstrate real love and concern towards real people with real problems. Together we can achieve freedom of spiritual expression by making the transgendered walls fall down.