by
Lee Frances Heller
".. the core of the soul. In that core is the Central Silence, the pure peace and abode of heavenly birth, the place for this event: the utterance of God's Word. By nature the core of the soul is nothing but the Divine Being unmediated. Here God enters the soul with all He has and not partly. He enters the soul through its core and nothing can touch that core except the love of God." (As St. Paul said in Romans 8:37-39. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. … ed. note) Meister Eckhart, 14th Century Mystic, Tans. By Raymond Blakney.
"Man is God's temple. Innermost behind the veil lies the Holy of Holies into which no human light has ever penetrated and no naked eye has ever pierced. It is the secret place of the Most High, the dwelling place of God. It is man's soul. Here man unites and communes with God." The Spiritual Man by Watchman Nee. 1925 AD. Chinese citizen who spent 20 years in a communist prison in China for his faith.
"What am I to do? I do not like the competitive masculine role I have to play. It's difficult to maintain the perspective of my role as a father, and my feminine desires." (Letter received a few days ago.)
"Why God did you make me like this?" .. I guess you could say I was born again at that time. Still, for some reason, I have not been able to believe that Jesus loves this part inside of me that wants to change what He has created." (Recent letter)
Jesus loves EVERY part of us.
Love is patient, Love is kind .. It always protects, always trusts, always preserves. Love never fails …" (1 Corinthians 13:4,7,8)
"But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to Him who formed it, 'Why did You Make me like this?'" (Romans 9:20)
" I was born again in my hope to purge the femme within. To my heartbreak this was not to be. I did not turn from the One who saved me. What I learned was to seek even deeper than love and grace of God through Christ, His Son. I no longer live under the condemnation of the Law. I live within the unfailing love of God. (Recent letter)
The above is the solution a lot of us have employed.
Maybe we can't solve the CD/CG (crossgendered) /TS problems of this body of flesh, but every body of flesh has a soul/spirit and as the three quotations at the start of this letter tell us, we have a part of us where God dwells that no man can take away from us. This is the place of retreat within ourselves. This is God to whom we turn and keep turning, and keep turning to regardless of our circumstances. "My wife is leaving me if I don't stop Cding." "I'll get fired from my job if I get caught." "My children have disowned me." Mine have too. My prayer for them is simply, forgive them in their ignorance, Father. For our own peace of mind and to keep from losing our perspective, we have to turn to the only One who understands us and knows every fiber of our being. St. Paul tells the Ephesian Church:
I pray out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being. (Ephesians 3:16)
Fill it. Ask Jesus Christ to come in and take up residence.
"…That you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:19b)
Make no mistake, I have no panacea for gender problems, and I don't want you to think I do. I can't help you change in one letter or phone call what is a part of your being. Through G&LL all of us are simply supporting you, loving you, and pointing you to the One that loves and understands you perfectly. Our motivation is His love in us and for us and reaching out to you through us. God does love you EXACTLY as you are.
The church has, for too long, rejected us. But then, I don't want to get into that. And I don't want to get into "preaching."
Lee Frances Heller
Grace and Lace Letter
June, 1994
