Out and About
I have to thank my good friend Jim for inviting me out. Thank you Jim for the lovely evening. You are one of the few who never gave up on me.
It all started by my planning to attend the Erie Gala next November. I had mentioned this to a good friend of mine and he advised me to join him to attend the Queen of Hearts in Warren Ohio. It is a gay bar, which has quite a following of around 25 T-girls. He said it would be a good testing ground and a place to meet many of the members of the Erie sisters. I told my wife about the event and made the date for 3/21. About a week prior to the event I made a list of all the items and things needed to make this happen. It was so exciting planning for the biggest event ever in my life. Many of my friends on the net were giving me their last minute advice.
A couple of night's prior I waxed my legs to make them nice and smooth for the back seamed nylons I would be wearing. During the 2 weeks prior I wore my corset daily lacing my waist down to 25" so I could get used to the small waist needed to fit the tight fitting dress I would be wearing. The day before I packed up all the items required and I soon realized how much stuff is needed. I now have a much greater appreciation for traveling with my wife.
The big day had arrived and I drove to Warren immediately following work. The trip was about 1.5 hours and seemed like 20 minutes. The time flew by! When I arrived at my destination I found out I the comfort inn I was staying at was a Hotel, a big first for me. It meant carrying in all my stuff and walking back past the front desk attendant for the first time dressed enfemme. Before going in I checked out the location of the Bar I was going to and got the lay of the land so to speak. I then proceeded to park the truck and check in. I unloaded all my stuff and went to my room on the second floor. Now I realized I had to ride the elevator too. My anxiety was building. As I entered my room for the third and last time I decided to take a nice hot relaxing bath while watching the Iraq War. I then dressed and laced myself down to 25". It's amazing what a calming effect tightlacing has on one. I sat down and did my makeup and donned my wig while I had a stiff scotch on the rocks. By now it was almost second nature after all those years of practice. I put on a new pair of black nylons and carefully put on my black and silver beaded and sequin dress.
Wouldn't you know it, as I zipped up the zipper it was splitting open following the key. This was one thing I was not expecting. But I was prepared! I had brought along another outfit but it was out in the truck way out in the parking lot. I had to go out with nothing more than my lingerie and nylons with my full-length fur coat covering me. I had to make that long trip hoping no one would be watching. As luck would have it no one was but it was the thought that worried me. My back-up out fit was a new purchase from e-bay. It was a red leather skirt suit with a double-breasted jacket. I put on a white blouse, the suit, and my 4.5" black patent high heel shoes. I looked great! I checked the clock and it was already 9:45 pm. I had to get going! I donned my fur coat, packed my purse and headed out. As I walked down the hall and into the elevator I could tell the tension was getting to me. I was Scared as Hell! The door opened and I made it past the front desk and down the hall to the parking lot. I never realized how noisy my heels were on the tiled floor. This just fueled my anxiety. I opened the door and was out in the big world as Francine. As I walked along I could feel my calf muscles protesting the immense strain needed to walk these shoes.
Little by little I inched my way along the two blocks and finally made my destination. As I neared I could hear the music playing and a woman watching me across the street. My heart was racing and I thought it would break out of my chest as I looked up and read the sign "The Queen of Hearts". As I reached for the doorknob I thought about turning back but had come too far not to try. As I entered the place was filled and all eyes were upon me. I slowly walked in and made my way to the back. I asked the first girl I came to where I could hang my coat and this seemed to break the ice a little. I introduced myself and immediately went into autopilot" Talking". I love to talk! 
As soon as I did some of the tension and anxiety left me.
Then I noticed some familiar faces. Guys I knew but had never seen them dressed. I went over and said hi. I was immediately greeted with a big hug. It's funny how much I love being hugged. It's when I know I am being loved and cared for, something I missed out on as a kid. This simple act of compassion was the best thing that ever happened to me. All the fears and tension had left. Thank you Heelen and Karen!
Shortly following I had quite a crowd of girls gathering around and I wondered what the hell was going on. They had come to find out who I was and wanted to comment on how nice my outfit had looked. Evidently it was quite a big hit. I had taken for granted it was just a leather skirt suit. 
I guess the broken zipper was a blessing in disguise. Throughout the night I managed to meet almost everyone there I hope. I tried to make it a point to meet all those wonderful guy/girls. While sitting on the bar stool my skirt was so short that the stocking tops showed. One of the gay guys came over and very politely commented about my stockings and asked if he could give me a kiss on the cheek. I told him it was ok providing it didn't go any further. I hope it made his night! As I sat there chatting with my newly found friends and sipping on a scotch I hadn't noticed that it was 2:00 am. The four-hour time had screamed past my knowing. I was having the time of my life. My girls commented on how natural I seemed and just could not believe it was my first time being out. I guess I am gifted with talking to strangers / now friends or should I say family. It amazes me how kinds, caring, compassionate, good natured, and wonderful all those girls were that night. They came from a 150-mile radius. They informed me that it was the best place between Chicago and New York. I took some pictures and had my picture taken many times that night. The first night of my new life!
I am hooked! I now understand what this is all about. Living life to the fullest and letting your hair down. God I can't get over how much fun I had! As the place cleared out I too made my way back to the hotel. As I walked along the sidewalk the all the thoughts of having such a good time eased the pain in my cramped toes. When I opened the door to the hotel and walked past the front desk it was as if I had done it a thousand times. Even as I entered my room and undressed to gain some much needed shut eye, I could not get enough of the experience as Francine. I quickly fell asleep and slept like a baby till 5:30. Three hours later and I was awake. It is part of the rut I get in for running my own ship. I can't wait until the next time out. I have never been so happy in all my life. Thank you to all the girls and guys at the Queen of Hearts for making my debut a memorable event. It will never fade away. I'll see you all again soon.
An Easter Surprise
For the past 37 years I have lived with having Francine being a part of my life all alone. Being a business owner doesn't help the lonliness either. No one to help and nothing expected from anyone. When I first came out to my wife, Barb stated that she wanted nothing to do with Francine because she felt it might ruine the image of the man she married 25 years ago. I have grown used to this and thought this was how my life were to be forever, a happily married man and a hidden lifestyle on occasion. After my first outing my life changed dramatically and I can see the future very clearly. Francine is about to become a significant part of it. The question is, can I live both lives and keep Barb and Francine happy at the same time? I am torn between going out and having a wondeful evening as Francine and not having my wife along. The guilt weighs heavy on my mind.
I wrestled with this for several weeks and decided to to tell Barb that my outings as Francine would continue and that I would prefer she came along. I said I could not bear going out alone and leave her home with nothing to do. We share a loving relationship and I told Barb that I want her to be a part of it. Her reply was not yes and not no either. She just hedged on being a little curious and stated she wasn't sure that Francine would ruine the image of the man she married long ago. I had planted the seed and it was good enough for the time being. Little did I know a surprise was on the horizon?
A couple of days later we went for an evening walk around the lake and upon our return she blurted out a bunch of words that almost left me speechless. She said she wanted to join me in November at the Erie Gala but it would take time for her to adjust to Francine a little bit at a time. She rephrased it by saying " I want you to show me your stuff for Francine sometime". I was Flabberghasted! Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine the seed growing that fast. I told her I would be glad to help her along at her pace. My initial thoughts were that this would take all summer. I was in for a shock!
A couple of days later and just the day before Easter Sunday we were at the lake home decorating and setting up the house for Easter dinner with our family. Late in the day we both had a couple of drinks and a nice grilled steak dinner. Later we shared a couple glasses of wine and enjoyed the quiet when all of a sudden she said she wanted to see Francine's makeup and clothes. I could see Barb was ready for the first segment. We went upstairs and I proceeded to go through my makeup drawer and showed her everything one item at a time. She had never opened the drawer for herself in the past. I guess she wanted me to show her bit by bit...eyelash curler, lipstick, mascara, blush, Etc. Piece by piece she analyzed and commented her approval or rejection and how to improve it. She was very calm and positive in her comments.
When I completed the makeup drawer we moved to the closet. I showed her the dresses that hung on my side of the closet tucket away behind my suits. I think she was impressed with my taste in clothing as she offered her approval. I also got out my wig and high heels and she could not get over how high they were. She asked me if I really walked two blocks in them when I first visited the Queen of hearts. I guess she was a little shocked to see I could handle those styles of shoes. When I got to the wig she was surprised at the hair color and style I had chosen. A medium brown shoulder length with a layered cut and very curly instead of a blond one with flip up curls. Many of her inhibitions were shattered and she felt comfortable with this new stranger she someday would meet. I felt rather bold and asked if she wanted to see a picture of Francine. She hedged a minute with a cute grin on her face and then said sure what the heck. I pulled out the picture from my wallet and gave it to her. Her exact words were"I had no idea you could look this good". It was the nicest compliment anyone has ever given me. Barb went on to say how much I looked like my sister. I'll take the compliment! We finished up the evening with a nice warm bath together chatting about the future of Francine in our lives.
The following day Easter started out at church and ended with everyone leaving from a wonderful dinner. It was around 9:30 and Barb suggested we grab a couple of brandies and sit on the back porch to enjoy the warm weather. While we sat there enjoying the quiet I put my hand on hers and stated that her acceptance of Francine was the most precious gift I have ever received from her. Barbs reaction was she didn't think it meant so much to me. For the longest time we sat chatting and sharing the love we have for one another. I now understand the true meaning of unconditional love. This will be an Easter I will never forget.
For the past several years many have said a loving relationship can weather the SO finding out and accepting this type of behavior and blend it into a continued loving relationship. I was once one of those doubting Thomas' as I heard these words from many of my friends on line. I now understand the power of communication and hard work on my part toward our relationship. Telling Barb and coming out into the world as Francine has been one of the most difficult tasks I have undertaken. The road has been very rocky at times but it eventually smoothed out the futher we went. Our relationship has endured but not without my constant reassurance that the guy she married will never go away. I think many more can walk this same path if they are determined and commited to putting the relationship first and doing their best to make it work. I also understand that this is only the beginning of a continuous paving and improvement. Finding the correct balance within two lives will be an ongoing concern not only for me but also for our continued happiness as a couple. Life is Good!