Talking to Yourself

You see them downtown in practically every city of any size: the unfortunates who walk down the sidewalk talking to thin air, arguing out loud with themselves. I saw some of these folks the other day and they raised two questions in me: First, just how different from the rest of us are they? And then second, just how different are we from everyone else? I decided that the answer to both is: "Not very."

First, we all talk to ourselves, whether we admit it or not. OK, maybe it's not necessarily in the form of a conversation or spoken aloud, but we all carry on a form of dialog with ourselves. It's a very good way to resolve issues, but that doesn't always happen. The problem is that very often we aren't honest with ourselves when we engage in these dialogs. It's very easy to lie to yourself; who knows better than you what you really want to hear? As Brother Dave Gardener said, "Talk to yourself! It's good to hear somebody with some sense every once in a while." We often argue ourselves into a point of view or making a decision that isn't really in our best interests. ("Yes, I think 5 inch heels, a halter top and spandex mini-skirt are perfect for Saturday afternoon at the mall because I look so good in that outfit.")

In our talks with ourselves, we need to broaden our perspectives, rather than concentrating on a narrow view. Our self-dishonesty often stems from ignoring the still, small voice of reason when we hear it, or from not listening to others and taking their perspectives into account. We have a very real tendency to look at things from just one point of view, the one we want to adopt, rather than being honest and admitting that other points of view exist. We are all self-centered, which is something that we have in common with everyone else -- it's one of the things that makes us human.

Which brings me to my second question: how different are we, the transgendered? My answer is: we are no more different than anyone else. We are all human, and the biggest thing that we humans have in common is that we are all different. Again, we in this community sometimes have a tendency to first think of ourselves as being transgendered and to talk among ourselves and within ourselves from that vantage point. That's the narrow perspective that leads to at best an incomplete, and at worst, a dishonest, decision. In order to make better, more honest decisions, the broad perspectives (no pun intended) of parent, spouse, partner, human, or all the above, should be considered before the singular point of view of transgendered or tall or blonde or whatever.

The bottom line is that it's perfectly OK to talk to yourself, but you need to be honest with yourself for it to be really worthwhile. Of course, that's true when you're talking to or arguing with others, too. The difference is that when you talk to yourself, whether you're right or you're wrong, you're always the one that wins the argument. The idea is to win and to make the right choice, too.