"Are you interested in making new friends?"

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. People tend to not like me very much unless I keep my mouth shut. And even then people eventually grow very tired of me.

Occasionally I think that people see one thing in me and I turn out to be something else entirely. They become disillusioned, bored with me and not the type of person they want to be associated with.

I really don't have much to offer to anybody, in any area.

"You make a beautiful woman, would you consider or do you date?"

Firstly, no I don't make a beautiful woman. Secondly, thank you anyway. Someday I would love to date though. But at this point in time, I just don't do much of anything. I am really busy trying to work through some issues. I am trying to better myself. Then hopefully, if I ever do date I will be better for me, and for you.

Update - March 2006: As time goes by, I seriously doubt that I will ever date or have any sort of a relationship. It is just not in the cards for this time around. I am more or less okay with this. I have become accustomed to keeping myself company and I don't like sharing everything. The thought of somebody ever telling me what to do or when to do it again while treating me like shit makes my skin crawl anyway. I guess I value being single over what any relationship would bring to my life.

"Are you attracted to men or women?"

First of all, let me say that sexual preference has nothing to do with gender or why I have transitioned, but since you asked I will answer. It depends on who the man or the woman is. And if your name is Johnny Depp, my name is Babee Imallyers.

"Well, do you date men?"

Actually, I met a guy some months back that I would like very much to go out with. As a matter of fact, I would almost kill to go out with him. However, he doesn't know I am alive and he never will, but maybe somebody else, someday.

Update - March 2006: Nope, not gonna happen.

"Would you date Transgenders?"

For friendship and fun times, of course. For anything else, probably not.

Update - March 2006: Not gonna happen anyway.

"How do you feel about sexual relations?"

Now that I have had vaginoplasty and I am feeling so much better about my body, I would very much love to have sexual relations, if and when I find the right person to have them with.

Update - March 2006: Not gonna happen.

"How old are you?"

I was born on January the 5th, 19XX. I had my birth year here for a while, then I figured, why. Let's just say, I remember Soupy Sales.

"How tall are you?"

Oh shoot. You would ask that. I am 6 feet tall.... Or as some girls in the TG world say, 5 feet 12 inches... I always get a kick out of that.... Since quitting smoking on September 27th 2003, I weigh approximately 150-155 pounds (ARG) depending on my mood.

"Do you have photos of you as a male?"

Why yes, I do. Many. Too many. I know that there are people out there who do post pictures of themselves as a male. I get the feeling that their main objective in doing so is to show you how they have changed. "Can you believe this was me?" They have worked hard and they are proud of the changes that the photos reflect. I myself can relate a little. I have photos that if you saw you might say, "I can't believe that is/was you." At least, I hope that would be the response. I too am proud of the hard work that I have done to get to where I am thus far....

I think there are also those who are very happy in their manhood who just enjoy illustrating how well they have mastered the art of "transformation". However, I would never dream of posting my picture as male. I wish to be thought of as female from the second the sperm hit the egg. I am in no way, shape or form happy in my "manhood". I have once or twice shared a picture with close friends in real time, but in my experience most people do not want to see any pictures of Trish as male anyway.

"What was your name as a male? Or do you feel comfortable sharing this?"

This kind of goes hand in hand with the last question. I am not really comfortable giving my male name. Once people know me as Trish, there is no reason to taint that with much of anything that is male related. There are people that knew the male me and now know Trish and there are people that have only known Trish. The people that have only known Trish and nothing of my male past have a lot easier time accepting me as female. There is just no good reason to mess that up with anybody when I don't have to. My male name is a thing of the past anyway as Trish-Marie is now my legal name.

"You are so brave. How do you get the courage to do what you are doing with your life?"

Look, courage and bravery have nothing to do with it. For me it comes down to desperation. If you are able, you do what you have/need to do. I am a chickenshit. Do you think that I would walk the streets of the city, deal with all the people I deal with if it meant getting my ass kicked all the time? Or being treated like crap everyplace I went? Not on your life. I don't know what I would do if this were not going as smoothly as it has when it comes to dealing with the world. I am not any braver then anybody else.

And as for losing stuff in your life? As my good friend says, you weigh your options. That does not take bravery or courage. It is just a matter of what is most important to you. I will probably lose more in the future and I just may not deal with it very well when or if it happens. Who knows.

Believe me, I ain't brave.

"You are never smiling in your photographs, why?"

I just don't.

"How does your son feel about your changes?"

On the outside, he is fine with it. On the inside, he seems fine with it. Our relationship has not changed. We are very, very close.

"What changes are your breasts going through now that you have started HRT? Do you have any pictures? Be specific please."

Read my transition diary. I try to be very honest there and if it is not included, I probably don't wish to discuss it. I will try to keep my progress in all areas up to date. Pictures? Never. Illustrations of some sort? Probably, but straight out and out pictures, no.

"Do you find it as difficult to maintain your figure?"

I have been concerned with my weight since I was about 15 years old. I was a kinda chubby kid and my father drove this home to me one day when he said, "You are fat." That may have been the day that I became truly aware of it. I am not sure. The only time that I was ever really overweight was when I was on anti-depressants. I was miserable and one hundred pounds heavier, but at least I did not know I was miserable. I stopped the meds on my own and the weight just all came off. That was in November of 1998. Since quitting smoking (09/27/03) I am once again struggling a little with my weight.

"What was the one makeup secret that changed your life?"

This is dedicated to Clara: I have had to change this answer now that I have had much (so damn much) electrolysis on my face and neck. The secret is "less is more". Yeah, you have heard that before, but when it really comes into play, and when it really works, is when your makeup can be truly minimal. No foundation at all, just a little lipstick, eyeliner and mascara, if that much

That is the makeup secret that has been really changing my life. Other than that I would say, take it easy with the blush. Skip it if you can.

"What's with the rabbit?"

LOL... I assume that you are referring to my bunny, Mary Lou. Well, Mary Lou has gone through so much with me. We are inseparable and she means a lot to me. She travels with me everywhere. She is a friend when I am all alone. Some people, no make that a lot of people think it strange that a person my age is so attached to a stuffed animal. I have tried to wean myself from Mary Lou more then once, but I just can't seem to leave her alone at night or leave her at home and, well I just need her with me. So, I am strange. Old news.

UPDATE: June 19th, 2004 - I have actually since vaginoplasty weaned myself from sleeping with Mary Lou. It was not really my choice as for quite a while after surgery it was a little difficult sleeping with her. Now we sleep together just occasionally. But she is always next to me.

"Is that your hair?"

Please read my Transition Diary.

"What kinds of music do you listen to?"

I was a musician for a lot of years. I still am a musician at heart. It is in my blood. I just refuse to sit in the position that my instrument required me to sit in anymore! Just kidding. Actually, there is just no time for it. I took/take my music very seriously and there is no time for family, friends or anything else when I am involved with music. My experience as a musician taught me to appreciate all forms of music. I enjoy everything from Country and Western to Death Metal. I love Jazz although it was the one form of music that I could never quite grasp, too abstract for my simple mind perhaps. When I am at my computer the only thing that is usually on is Classical or Enya, I LOVE Enya to death. I also wanna have Madonna's next child. Madonna can do no wrong. I have been lucky enough in my life to see most people that I enjoy from Alice Cooper to Buddy Rich to Frank Sinatra to Jeff Beck to Eric Clapton to Elton John to Sarah Vaughn to Blood Sweat and Tears to Queen to George Benson to David Bowie and on and on and on.....

Oh, and I am one of the few people that thinks ABBA rocks.

"Send me some pictures."

I can't believe that this is all some people have written to me, literally. The answer is no.

"Will you email me when you update your photo page?"

No. I am flattered, kinda, but that is not what this is about. Besides, if you don't even care enough about me to come over and check for yourself, what the hay?

"Would you, I mean, could, I mean... Will you show me the results of your GRS?"

Um, probably not. But you might up the odds of it happening if you are willing to barter a little. I am not totally thrilled about being on display, so hey, if I did I would like to get something fun out of it for myself. I call it the "You Show Me Your Vagina/I'll Show You My Vagina" deal. Same goes for boobs. I call that the "You Show Me Your Boobs/I'll Show You My Boobs" deal (you may get the short end of the stick on that one). Then there is the "You Show Me Your Boobs and Vagina/I'll Show You My Boobs and Vagina" deal, also known as "The Potpourri" or the "Can I Keep My Socks On?" deal. If you are a guy you are SOL on the these particular deals.

"How can you be a conservative and transsexual?"

I sure did not plan it and it can be a little difficult. First off, I am a strong supporter of the Second Ammendment to the Constitution of The United Sates Of America. That is the right to keep and bear arms. I am also very family values. That seems to fall under conservative. However, I am very pro-choice. It is not for me as I could never again be involved in an abortion, but I believe that a woman has a right to choose, but not late term. I believe prostitution should be legalized. I feel strongly about several other issues that would put me more under the conservative label then the liberal, but I am not going to go into it any further. It is a shame that those politicans and others that I support would probably not support me as transsexual. But I am for a strong and moral country, so I must go with it. I think of myself for the most part, to be a moral person, so it is all I can do. Maybe someday, the majority will see that having had been transsexual is not an issue of morality. That is all I will say on that.

"Can we meet for coffee?"

No.

"How about an Internet romance? What do you think of that?"

I do not think much of it at all.

"I know we have not met in person, but may I call you?"

No. I do not do telephone. That is a rule. We may have known each other online for a long long time and I mean no offense, but I don't do phone.

"Can I take you to a truck stop and make love to you?"

Can I give birth to Madonna's baby?

"Do you get off on pantyhose?"

No.

"How about panties then?"

No.

"Bras?"

No. In all honesty, there was a time when I was sexually stimulated by wearing women's clothing, but for whatever reason those days are behind me.

"Do you feel that your transition from male to female would be less difficult if you were living in an area where the transgender population were larger ? A city like San Francisco, Portland or Denver? And there were more TG folks to socialize with on a daily basis?"

Let me say that the first time I walked out the door presenting as Trish, it was in San Francisco and I thank that town for giving me my first confidence injection. San Francisco is a beautiful city, but....

...living there might have been easier, I don't know. But I do know that I would rather have not lived in a totally "TG" friendly town. "Walking through the fires" of regular ol' cities and not being immersed in the "TG community" has helped me more to deal with life as I want to live it, that is to say, out of the closet and onto regular ol' life with anybody I come into contact with. If I am not able to do that, or had found out long ago that it would not be possible for me I don't know what I would have done. The answer for me personally is, I see the cities you mentioned as just larger closets then the one I was in for lo those many years.

"Once you are full time, and into society as a woman, will you still be involved with the transgender community?"

I am now a "full time post-operative transsexual woman" and I am finding the desire to move further from the transgender community extremely desirable. Of course I want to stay in touch with the friends that I have made, but as far as the overall transgender community, I am not very enamoured with it anymore, and they are probably not in love with me either. I am not putting down on the community. The community helped me immensely, as did Alcoholics Anonymous, but there comes a time to leave a lot of it behind. Notice that I did not say avoid it, I just said leave a lot of it behind.

It seems that one of the best reasons for staying in the community is to try and help others who were once where I was. But only 1 in 100 who say they want help actually want help. Only 1 in 100 want to listen to anything other then what they just want to hear. It's not worth it. I am not enough of a nice and caring person to say that if I can only help one, it will all be worth it. I am just not that nice. I am just not that caring. I just don't have that much patience. Thank goodness there are those that have the patience to weed out the "for reals" from the horndogs who try to pull the wool over your eyes as they wank away.

One of my biggest problems with the transgender community is their unwillingness to set people free, encourage them to go and live life when it is time to move on. Many in the community actually chastise people for wanting to get on with their lives. "It is your obligation and your duty to stay and help sisters who are where you once were and if you leave, you are an ingrate and a user" they say. And as I said, there will always be those who will "stay behind" (for whatever their motivation) and help others. But growth for those who stay behind is at a minimum and is not what I wish for the majority of my life.

I love people in the community. I don't love the community.

"Are you 'transphobic'?"

I have been called that. And if wanting to live outside "the community" as a "normal everyday person" is transphobic, then yes, I am transphobic. If wanting to go to Disneyland, miniature golfing, bowling, the library, the supermarket, the movies, work for a company whose employee population is not 50 percent "TG" and not have a life full of gay bars, drag shows, pride parades and transgender only activities makes me transphobic, then again, yes, I am transphobic. Did you ever notice how people who get further and further along in their transition start disappearing from support groups? There is a reason for that. It is not transphobia, it is life.

"Why are you such a Bitch?"

Bitch is in the eye of the beholder.

Trish-Marie© 1999-2008