Saturday, November 2nd, 2007

• Welp, I hadda...

  ...do it. The guy/gal crossdresser/transsexual (CD or TS, who the Hell knows which, if either) that I wrote about coming into where I work the other night? The one that was obvious with a capital O? When I was glad that my co-workers were not around so that I did not have to reply to them, "Oh man, yeah, that WAS a guy.?" Like I said, today I hadda do it. He/she came back. And he/she apparently did not give a rat's butt whether or not anybody knew about him/her. And let's just say that everybody did. Near and far, high and low, EVERYBODY knew. BAD PR. Bad BAD PR.

  And there I was, "Oh yeah, that's a guy alright." Deep freakin doesn't give a damn voice and all. This guy (and I feel that I am pretty safe saying "guy") just didn't give a damn. This was a person who's clothes gave the profile of a female at first glance, but everybody, and I do mean everybody did the second glance, read: double take. And it was not totally pretty.

  What a lousy position to be in. And I am sure that it will happen again, and again, and again. I just really hate having to play it off the way I have to play it off. But if I am to survive and have the relationship with my friends at work that is so dang important to me, play it off like I did is what I gotta do.

  Let me just add that nobody at work totally put this person down because of his/her appearance, and believe me, they coulda. This person was treated with respect. But this person did garner a lot of attention that I would think most folks work very hard to avoid.

  This just gets damn spooky at times.
  Trish

Monday, November 12th, 2007

• This morning I...

  ...went to the dentist and had a "root amputation". Woo-eee. Man, this one hurts. It wasn't so bad as it was being performed, but tonight I am hurting. My dentist even called just a short time ago to see how I am doing. That's rare. Next week I go in to have the sutures removed and to have the root canal that was started in August finally completed. Hey, I really do take care of my teeth, I am just having a run of bad luck. And it's been a while since the aftermath hurts worse then the preeftermath. Usually the dental work relieves the pain, but not this time me broothas and sistas. This one is from Yikesville.

  "Perhaps it is life's karma, Trish."
  I know, we keep bringing that up, but I really wouldn't doubt it.

  I've done some crazy things in my life, and some of it might deserve some payback. As much as I don't like it...

  I may have deserved that.
  Captain Jack Sparrow

  "Trish, you need to construct an overpass and get over this Jack Sparrow thing."
  I'm thinkin it's not gonna happen, at least for a while. Owee my mouth.

Sunday, November 18th, 2007

• I really despise...

  ...being ugly. I wonder what it must be like to be attractive, to always have that door open to you, to be desirable to a majority (or even one quarter) of people. That must be so weird, to get up every day, go out the door to wherever and have people look at you and be like, "Wo, nice." That must be great. Being ugly is a bummer about, oh, 40 to 80 percent of the time.

  I look at these people (especially "trans-people") who claim to be "hit on" or have relations with people "all the time" and I think a couple of things. One being, just what in the Hell must the caliber of these people they are seeing be (and how much booze is involved), and the other thought being, man, if THESE folks are being approached or having relations "all the time", I must be BEYOND unattractive. I must be MOLDY WOOD. Chopped LIVER moldy wood. I know that seems judgmental... but only...

  ...BECAUSE IT IS. HAHAHAHA.

  "Putting others down to make yourself feel better is very unattractive, Trish."
  There, ya see what I mean?

  Anyway, I'm going to write more about this in the future, I just don't want to think about it too much more this morning, but it was on my mind... again.

  My mouth still hurts from Monday. That one took me by surprise.

  Oh, and what is it with these "trans people" who talk about going into women's restrooms and making "best friends" of total strangers in the time it takes a person to wash their hands? This seems really cliche to me. I have had short conversations in the restroom, passing comments actually, but any more than that? Seems like pretend to me.

  I am going to write more about that later too. It seems like bullshit.

  OR, perhaps if I combine my two (minus the mouth) subjects today, maybe I am just so damn ugly that nobody really wants to talk to me, especially in the bathroom. Holy crap.

  I am not an animal!
  John Merrick

  "Oh c'mon Trish. I am not an animal? That was just TOO easy."
  Heh heh. Hey, be nice to me. I'm pathetic.

Thursday, November 22nd, 2007

• Well ho hum, here it...

  ...is, Thanksgiving Day. My mom has gone to her in-laws for the holiday, my son isn't here (he's growing up and getting a life), and there's nothing to do. Normally for Thanksgiving I am perfectly okay with this, but today for some reason it kind of sucks. My freakin tooth that I had the root canal in on Tuesday is hurting me and kept me up half the night, no pain killers other then over the counter stuff which does jack (shit). I had planned on seeing the Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End movie with a big ol' tub of popcorn between my legs and a huge cup o' Diet Coke® at my side one more time but... they took it out of the theater. There's nothing else I want to see.

  There's nothing but war movies (making statements with which I do not agree), inane not worth my nine dollars and fifty cents ninety minute situation comedies or love stories which just tend to rub things in, especially when you are pretty much alone (I.E.: abstinent for life). Crying at love stories every once in a while is okay, but only when the crying is for fun and not for real, which sometimes it is, if ya know what I mean.

  "Woes you, Trish."
  Yeah, thanks.
  "I was making fun of you."
  Oh, okay. Heh heh.

  I wanted to have some fun today.

  Oh well, it's just another one.
  "The Sulker"
  (That'd be me.)

  "Trish."
  Yes? Oh buddy oh pal o' mine?
  "Did you actually say a big ol' tub of popcorn and a huge cup o' Diet Coke®? Kind of oinkish, no?"
  Oh, yeah, uh, I meant a tiny box of delicate chocolate covered raisins (which I could NEVER finish by myself) and bottle of fresh mountain spring water.

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

• A week or two...

  ...ago I did something that I have not done in a long time: I ordered a knife from a catalog. It wasn't a knife that I was not familiar with. As a matter of fact, I have handled and known about the Ka-Bar® USMC knife for years and years and have for the most part considered them to be, well, kinda on the not such a great knife side of the fence. I never came close to wanting one. There are many great names in the field of cutlery and Ka-Bar® to me is not even in the ballpark. But, for some reason when I saw it in the catalog this time it screamed, "TRISH! Order me!" So I did. Kind of a luxury these days, buying something that I totally don't need.

  My new Ka-Bar® with a S&W 686 .357 mag, 6" bbl.

  Anyway... It did arrive on Friday and after I did my housework today I sat down to see if I could put a better edge on the blade then it came with. One thing led to another and I ended up wiping down many firearms and many knives. I had not done that in a long time and it needed to be done. One reason that I had been putting it off is because I really don't enjoy getting all over my hands the solvent and oil and just everything that it takes to maintain guns and knives. I never totally loved it, I just more or less put up with it because it is a necessary part of the end product of a couple of the things that I have a passion for: guns and knives. I have heard of people who actually enjoy cleaning firearms, but I'm thinkin it might just be a legend or something. (I do however have a fondness for the scent of Hoppe's #9® gun solvent, but that's another story.)

  It also really does a job on my already less than great nails. Come to think of it, I have not done my nails in over two and a half years now. No reason to, my place of employment sees to that. One or two of my duties there would make it almost just too difficult to maintain nice nails. One of these days though, I am going to have them professionally done. I've never had that, and I want it.

  I saw a woman on television during Halloween this year who I was really jealous of. Her nails were done just like, exactly like... candy corn. They were perfect and it was just. too. cool.

  But back to my cleaning and oiling. With the exception of the gunk on my hands, it was good to get everything back in good order. I could almost hear each one of my firearms and knives say, "Man, that feels SO good. I will rest easy tonight. Trish, you da bomb." (Apparently my stuff is old school.)

  You know? A knife is the most primitive of all tools (except maybe for a rock). Handmade or production, they are true art. Just an amazing thing. They can be instrumental in providing shelter, water, food, and defensive protection. I made up my mind a long time ago that I will never be without one of one kind or another at any time.

  And I really like the Ka-Bar®.
  It will be fun to see what it can handle over the years.
  Trish

  "I give you a small amount of credit for not using 'Mack The Knife' or anything about 'John Rambo' anywhere in your post, Trish."
  I resisted the temptation.
  

Saturday, December 2nd, 2007

• The word "transition" as in...

  ..."transitioning from male to female" has become way overused. It seems that everybody is getting into the act.

  Well, here just a couple of things that "transitioning" is not:

  "Transitioning" is not seeing a therapist, for whatever reason.

  "Transitioning" is not growing your hair long.

  "Transitioning" is not "coming out" to yourself as a "transsexual".

  "Transitioning" is not telling all of your friends that you are "transsexual".

  "Transitioning" is not giving yourself a female name during role playing games on the Internet.

  "Transitioning" is not bars and shopping and bars and shopping and shopping and bars.

  You can talk about it all you want. You can grow your hair out like a rock and roll star. You can see a therapist just like every other person in Beverly Hills. You can tell all of your family and friends that you are a girl inside. You can dress ambiguously, carry a messenger bag from Hot Topic® and call it a purse. You can change into women's clothing as soon as you get home from work or school and you can wear a silk nightgown to bed seven nights a week, but none of these activities are "transition".

  Some of these actions may be the beginning of your long ass road TO "transition", but they ain't "transition". And if you don't know why, it means that you have not or are not "transitioning".

  Why do I care? Because people, many many people are turning "transition" into a meaningless word and giving the impression that what some of us have done with our lives is something that requires very little thought. It seems that it's about girls just want to have fun, man I feel like a woman and all of that B.S.

  It seems that so many people who are "transitioning", for some reason six months later are NOT "transitioning", because they were not serious about it in the first place. I am not referring to folks who have to put it off for a while due to issues like lack of funds... I am talking about the numerous people who decide to stop paying their "tranny dues" and join another "club" because they got bored with the "transition" thing. It turns out that being goth was more fun.

  I even met somebody once who had "transitioned", but had "gone back" because among about one other reason (which escapes my memory), "Do you know how expensive women's clothing is??" That's all it took for this person to "go back".

  These "transitioning" people come and go, and come and go, and come and go. And they are just so damn LOUD about "TRANSITION!" whilst they are in and around the "clubhouse".

  Unfortunately, for the rest of my life, it seems that in some circumstances I am always going to be "the transsexual". If this is the way it must be, I would rather I be taken somewhat seriously.

  Folks need to stop throwing "transition" around. It is beginning to mean as little as the word "transsexual".

  I know some folks get angry at me for writing these things, and some of it has to be taken with a grain of salt if for nothing else then of my lack of communication skills, but c'mon, this shit has to be kept real.

  You talk the talk. Do you walk the walk?
  Animal Mother

Sunday, December 9th, 2007

• I don't know, maybe...

  ...it was just time again. It's been a long while since I have cried a bit. I think it may have been a culmination of the October fires and evacuation which were slightly traumatic (even though we were very lucky), the oft realization that I am a failure in life, the moderate to severe back pain that I am in everyday, missing my son, and then thinking about my (fantasy) husband John Depp and how I would never be on his or any other arm, and while showering for work it just hit me all at once.

  Actually, it was the "never being on an arm thing" that just put it over the top. It's like, well, this life has just been a waste in The Department of Love. A total total waste. I know it's happened to many other people throughout history, but I really didn't want to be one of the folks who ends up like this. And it would have been this way no matter what I had done with my life. It seems to just be the way it is. Dang. Old story, but fuck.

  "Heh heh, Trish. You said but fuck."
  I think it's been a long time since I used "but fuck" in a sentence. How fun is that.
  "We're on a slippery slope here, Trish."
  I'm hip. Let's move on.

  I have not been with anybody in over twenty years now. I have forgotten what it is like. I am afraid to have anybody touch me. Actually, the thought of it is terrifying. I feel like I am so unattractive that nobody would ever want to be with me. I feel as though it has been this way for so long that it is just too late to change it. I would like to say that I hope that I am wrong about that, but I think that the sentiment would be a wasted effort.

  But anyway, if you need a cry, I suggest that crying in the shower is the place to do it. It's cool because you can rinse your face as it is happening and nobody can hear your sobs (for lack of a better word). Then you get out, dry off and nobody is the wiser. A while back I always thought how cool it would be to be able to cry anytime you need to. As a guy I couldn't really do that. But I'll tell you what me broothas and sistas, crying is a major pain in the but-TOCKS. I usually put it off as long as I possibly can. Crying gives me a headache, it screws with the eyes and it is a hassle. Lately I don't much care for crying for even good reasons.

  "You make yourself sound pathetic with entries like this, Trish."
  Well, once again I say that in a way I suppose I am pathetic. If it walks like a duck, and it... well... *quack quack*
  "You really like using that 'duck thing' don't you."
  Yeah...

  Now you will have to excuse me as John
  will be home from location very soon.
  Trish

Tuesday, December 11th, 2007

• Eddie Haskell is a...

  ...teenage character from an old 1950's sitcom called, "Leave It To Beaver". Eddie was always being polite and kissing the asses of his friend Wally Cleaver's parents while being a total wiseguy smart aleck to his buddy... Wally.

  Eddie Haskell

  But his polite behavior a lot of times came with an insult somewhere outta left field. Example:

  Eddie Haskell: Gee, your kitchen always looks so clean.
  June Cleaver (Wally's mom): Why, thank you, Eddie.
  Eddie Haskell: My mother says it looks as though you never do any work in here.

  See? Compliment/put down.

  Eddie Haskell: That's a very nice sweater, Mrs. Cleaver. My mother has one just like it, only it's imported."

  And then there are the times he almost gets busted:

  "Wally, if your dumb brother tags along, I'm gonna... (Wally's mom suddenly walks in and...) oh, good afternoon, Mrs. Cleaver. I was just telling Wallace how pleasant it would be for Theodore to accompany us to the movies."

  The reason I bring this up is sometimes I will be reading something posted by "transsexual" folks on the Internet, or hear somebody talking in "real time" and I like to add (in my mind) a title and a name to the end of their statements. The title being "Mrs." and the name being "Cleaver".

  Take this statement for example (from a "male to female"):

  "Those are such realistic breast forms. They look very nice. I would probably have some just like them if I didn't have my own natural C cups. I guess I am just odd."

  I like to add my title and name:

  "Those are such realistic breast forms. They look very nice. I would probably have some just like them if I didn't have my own natural C cups. I guess I am just odd, MRS. CLEAVER."

  Naah naah naah naah naaaaaaah, nah, MRS. CLEAVER.

  "That looks like a very expensive epilator. You must have a very important high paying job to have been able to afford it. I don't make all that much money so I am glad I never had to worry about body hair, MRS. CLEAVER."

  "In school I always got beaten up for looking so much like a girl. It must have been nice for that to have never been a concern for you, MRS. CLEAVER."

  It doesn't even have to come with an insult:

  "My natural estrogen levels were always very high, even before starting hormone replacement therapy, MRS. CLEAVER."

  "I'm post-op a long time now so I can ride a bike or even a horse with no problem at all, MRS. CLEAVER."

  "I've never done anything with my voice. People have always assumed, even on the telephone that I am woman, MRS. CLEAVER."

  Anytime somebody sounds braggadocios and/or smarmy (I dislike the word "smarmy", but it fits here), add "Mrs. Cleaver" or at the very least the two words "in bed" to the end of their statements. You will find that it brightens your day and life is all sunshiny again.

  Although I feel that I am not illustrating this as well as I would like to,
  it never fails to incite knee-slapping hilarious good times.
  And it helps me to put things (and people) into perspective (in bed).
  Trish

Friday, December 14th, 2007

• Well, they must...

  ...totally love ol' Trish down at the courthouse... as I have been summoned to jury duty... for the third year in a row.

  And hey, just to keep things interesting they have given me a new location to report to. It's only forty-five miles away, in rush hour traffic, and I don't even have to be there until 7:45 in the morning, after getting off of work probably late at night. How convenient, ya think?

  This one is not going to fly. This one has got to be changed. Because THIS one my friends... is bullshit. Nobody that I know is called every single year, and certainly not to a courthouse forty-five miles away from where they live. Nobody

  This case should never have come to trial.
  Judge Hoyle

Friday, December 21st, 2007

• If I had a boyfriend, or whatever and...

  ...he wanted to wear my clothing, or ANY women's clothing, it would be BYE BYE BABY GOODBYE. Don't need that action.

  "Are we being a little hypocritical, Trish?"
  There you go, thinking WAY inside the box.
  "Please Trish, do expand."
  I would love to, but... another time.

  I had my jury duty postponed until May, and I also requested a closer location, which they say they will arrange. We will see.

  I owe the dentist so much money. I can't think about it too much, it is highly depressing. As I see it, I have to just pray that nothing else goes wrong for at least a year. In addition, I think that I will be canceling my cleaning and checkups for that period of time. Bottom line? I just can't afford nice teeth. Fire-fighting dentistry is what I will have to do.

  My son is here for Christmas which rocks with a capital ROCK and ROLL. Now, if I weren't working so many hours and could actually see him, we would be in business. He's so much fun to be with. He makes me laugh.

  All I want for Christmas is to not lose my remaining one front tooth, my remaining one front tooth, my remaining one... blah blah. Just kidding. What I really want is a twenty seat home movie theater, with a fancy marquee outside, a box office and a lobby with a popcorn and Coke® machine, a fully stocked candy bar, restrooms, oh... and a balcony.
  But whatever. The desire will pass.
  Trish

Tuesday, January 1st, 2008

• Happy New...

  ...Year.

  "Why, thank you, Trish."
  Not a problem.

  Welp, my son was here for over two weeks which was WONDERFUL. His girlfriend spent a week with us too and that was cool. BUT, we all got sick. Tonight I am totally achy. Even my clothes hurt my skin. My head is pounding and I have lost my voice. I am most likely going to be calling in sick to work tomorrow. I don't want to, but man, I am in a bad way.

  Christmas and New Year's Eve was a lot of fun. Today I took "the kids" home. As usual, the three day "I miss my son terribly thing" is starting up. If we had a dime for every time I wrote that, we could take a bus downtown, deep downtown. And Petula Clark rejoices.

  Anyway, it is time for my Yearly New Year Transition Diary Question and Answer entry. When I feel better, a'that's a'what I'm a'gonna do.

  I have to go to bed.
  I'm DYIN here.
  Ratso Trisho

Friday, January 4th, 2008

• Let's see now. On ...

  ...Tuesday, February 6th 2001, I had written the words: "My front tooth just broke off. I am devastated and alone."

  I remember that I had just been to a "transgender" event called The Cotillion hosted by Transgender San Francisco (TGSF) in, well, San Francisco of course. I had promised myself that for this event I was going to attempt to be outgoing, meet as many people as I could and generally experience life in ways that I could not allow myself to do as a guy. And I did. And it was good. And I was feeling great about myself, really great about me. Then, BINK! The front tooth breaks off as I am sitting at my computer on my first night back home. I don't know about you, but with me? No front tooth equals all bets are off in the Department of Attractive (DOA).

  I won't write anymore about that terrible terrible emotionally devastating experience other then to say, I chalked it up to the Big Man upstairs telling Trish not to get cocky and to knock off the "I feel great about myself" routine. Okay, hint taken, stay humble.

  SO...

  About two weeks ago, I wrote in my Transition Diary the tagline: "All I want for Christmas is to not lose my remaining one front tooth, my remaining one front tooth, my remaining one..." What a mistake that was. Can you guess why?

  "Guess why what, Trish?"
  Guess why writing that was a mistake.
  "If I was making a joke about your life, I would guess that your remaining front tooth must have broken off! Ha ha ha ha ha! But even YOU aren't THAT unlucky."
  Guess again, Carnac.

  So here I am, a few years later, after having approximately twelve thousand dollars of dental work done, at this point owing eighteen hundred dollars for work done in the last three months alone, and I am BACK TO BEING a toothless ugly dog. Thank you Dutch pretzel.

  

  Today I would blend right in with the "most attractive" stars of the television reality show COPS. "I won't lie to you, officer. I lied to you. But for real, they're not my pants, I just got em' back from a friend. I never checked the pockets. It's THEIR drugs, I wouldn't lie, except for that one time." And at this point, all I can do is laugh, and not in a good way.

  Sick and toothless, toothless again for I don't know for how long. Kiss me babee. Vomit. Happy New Year.

  Tomorrow is my birthday and it is a good thing that
  I no longer wish to smile about my birthdays.
  Woof.
  Woof woof.

Monday, January 7th, 2008

• This is a test. You are not...

  ...here and you did not see this.

  These aren't the droids you're looking for.
  Obi-Wan Kenobi

Friday, January 11th, 2008

• I want to...

  ...do my Yearly New Year Transition Diary Question and Answer entry but I'm still just too sick to concentrate on it, even though it won't take much because I didn't do anything in 2007. But seeing as how concentration is not my middle name, I need all the help I can get. So, soon with that.

  But hey, next year I will have a good one to write. For instance, how did this year start? I am sick and my remaining front tooth broke off. Man, this should be an exciting 2008. I cannot wait. By the end of the year I should have a beard to my waist, no shoes, lazing about the front porch with a brown jug o' moonshine, flies buzzing 'round my head and a hound dog sleeping with me. Doo dah. Life is good.

  "That is kind of offensive, Trish."
  What is.
  "The front porch moonshine no shoes thing."
  Oh bite me. By the way, you have a stain on your bib overalls. Is that tobacco?
  "Ha. Ha. Ha."
  You need to relax.

  Changing gears (as they say)...

  File me under "I Am Lame". Everybody else at work, or at least some folks are still dating paperwork as being 2007. You know how that goes. After writing 2007 for a year, old habits are difficult to break and all. Well, ol' Trish has that covered. No 2007's for me. I am dating everything 2009. Where this is coming from I don't know, unless it is because this year has already been so great that I want it over with.

  Remember this golden oldie?

  "Ugh, I've followed your journal for a while now. You used to be an interesting transexual (while you were transitioning), now you're like the world's most boring woman."

  This particular visitor to my online message board knew what he was talking about alright.

  Anyway...

  Oh, about that last entry? What last entry. I am unaware of any such entry, nor would I be disposed to discuss such an entry if it did in fact exist.

  *cough*
  *cough cough cough cough*
  Trish

Sunday, January 13th, 2008

• Wo, I just saw a...

  ...photograph of actor Kurt Russell naked. He's a little on the plump side in the photo, but oh dang. I like Kurt Russell. I like Kurt Russell.

  I can't think of anything to say.
  Trish

Tuesday, January 29th, 2008

• Yesterday was my...

  ...four year anniversary. Four years ago yesterday I had GRS... or SRS, whatever the politically correct thing to call it is.

  The anniversary was as eventful as most any of my special little days. I went to work, on my day off, as requested. It was very unproductive and most frustrating. I came home. I went to bed.

  Ta-daaaaaa.
  Trish

Wednesday, January 30th, 2008

• I just don't understand...

  ...recent (or even not-so-recent) post-operative (SRS) folks who go around showing their new crotch to almost anybody who will look at it.

  "People are different. Maybe they're just really happy and excited about it, Trish. Maybe they just need to share."
  I guess. But hey, it's been four years since my surgery and only two, count 'em, two people have seen my results. And one of them is my surgeon.
  "That might not be such a great thing, Trish."
  How's that?
  "Two words: Love life."
  Oh..... yeah.

  Forget I said anything.
  Trish

Thursday, February 14th, 2008

• Yes, it is...

  ...Valentine's Day. Next subject.

  Some folks post on the Internet their "coming out" (gay, lesbian, trans, whatever) letters to loved ones. I think they should be private affairs, but hey, I have posted some pretty dang personal stuff myself. However...

  ...what bothers me is when they post the responses by their loved ones, for all the world to see. I think it is a real violation of privacy. I am too uncomfortable reading those and I don't. I would feel totally creepy if I discovered that a personal note I wrote to somebody, ANYbody was posted on the Internet for whatever reason.

  I still need to do my New Year Q & A.
  I just have to find the time.
  Trish

Thursday, February 14th, 2008

• Thursday the 14th part two. Later that...

  ...night.

  I just realized that I wrote "but hey" in my last two Transition Diary entries. Wow, an imperfection.

  "You suck, Trish."
  You wish.
  "You are so juvenile."
  One of my better traits, I'm thinkin. And like "you suck" is all about the maturity.

  Yikes we're fruitcakes.
  Trish

Monday, March 4th, 2008

• Welp, I know this...

  ...is an old story, but for the last week and a half I have had a bad toothache, in a tooth that had previously been worked on in an attempt to save it. The save did not work. So, not sure about what was going to be needed to fix it this time, this morning I headed in for my emergency dental appointment. As it ended up, the tooth needed pulling and the deed was done on the spot. Man, this hurts. My whole head is pounding.

  In one week I go back to have impressions made for a new set of teeth, beCAAAUSE...

  ...the week after that I go back to have three more teeth pulled. Including two teeth that had also had work performed on them in a "save attempt". Then during the following week as I am waiting for my new faux teeth to be created, I will be at work with many teeth missing. Once again, all I can do is laugh.

  Ha ha ha. Ho ho ho. Hee hee hee.

  If I were not so used to being unattractive, this would be major trauma. (The cost of all of this will be major trauma.)

  A cigarette would be WONDERFUL right about now. Truly, truly wonderful.

  "Don't do it, Trish."
  Yeah... I know.

  But, one bit of really GOOD news is, last night via the Internet I came across and purchased thirteenth row seats for a Randy Travis concert. YES(!) I LOVE Randy Travis. One of the few country western performers who is actually keeping more traditional type country music alive. None of this "Garth Books Alan Jackson rock and roll cowboy hat shake your denim covered boot scootin boogy butt" fake CW stuff. No siree. I have been listening to Randy for twenty five years and I am totally excited about this. It is a small venue and this will be like practically sitting next to him. The concert is in October and I am thrilled.

  I gotta go. My mouth really really really really hurts. It hurts as bad or worse then the toothache itself did.

  Now it's safe to say it's a bad day for you.
  Randy Travis

Friday April 4th, 2008

• The dental saga...

  ...continues. It is the old story of, "If you have to ask, you can't afford it." So I don't ask. Well, sort of anyway. I am just plain afraid to ask. I know that I cannot afford it, so I just keep saying, "Put it on my tab." This is not good.

  Oh, and I only owe $1000 in taxes this year. Isn't that cool? Lowest paying job I have ever had in my entire life by more then I care to even think about, and I keep getting taxed to death.

  Oh, there's more stuff to write about, but it's not as utterly fantastic as this bit of news, so I will wait on it for a while. I don't have time anyway. I have to floss again.

  Things just continue to look up for me financially.

  Up is Down. Well, that's just maddeningly unhelpful...
  Capt. Jack Sparrow

  "Another Capt. Jack quote, Trish???"
  Is there a problem with that?
  "It's just that..."
  Okay, then how about THIS one?

  Man, this is some messed up shit.
  Trish

  "Well, I suppose it's accurate."
  Effin A.

  Hey.
  "Hey what."
  Are you transsexual?
  "Where did THAT come from?"
  Never mind where did that come from. Are you transsexual?
  "Isn't everybody?"
  Fair enough.

  "No."
  No what?
  "I'm not transsexual."
  Oh... Good.

Monday, April 7th, 2008

• I am late with...

  ...this, but I have a little time to do it so do it I am gonna do. My 2007 Year in Review. I don't think that it will involve much.

  ~ A Year in Review: 2007 ~

  What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
  Not sure. I think nothing. But I will think on it.

  Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
  Same answer as last year and the year before that: I never make New Year resolutions. For me it's bad luck. If I need to do something, I don't usually wait for a date. I do it when the time feels right. That is what usually works for me.

  Did anyone close to you give birth?
  Nope.

  Did anyone close to you die?
  Yes. A person that used to take care of me when I was little. I wrote sometime back of visiting her. She died. I attended her funeral and was really glad that I was able to.

  What countries did you visit?
  Italy, if pizza joints count.

  "Trish."
  What.
  "They don't."
  Ask me again then.

  What countries did you visit?
  None.

  What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
  Lot's of STUFF. GOOD stuff. FUN stuff.

  What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
  Maybe the fires in October. Being evacuated. I had never been through anything like that before. It's not a life changer, but it is definitely a thinker changer. I still look around here on occasion and see things that I left behind that I would have lost should our house of burned. It's pretty spooky.

  What was your biggest achievement of the year?
  Not giving up.

  What was your biggest failure?
  I think that I have said it before; life in general. And my use of punctuation and grammar.

  Did you suffer illness or injury?
  My back. It is never going away. It is chronic and it has changed my life. My teeth. My mouth was in terrific shape and in August or thereabouts it took a dive. It is costing me a fortune and it's not over yet. Oh yeah, it hurts too.

  What was the best thing you bought?
  I guess the DVDs that I am adding to my collection. I didn't really buy anything major. Up until the time that my teeth started going south, and I found out that I owe $1000 in taxes I had planned on buying a new digital camera sometime this year. Nothing much, $200 range. But I think that is now on hold... WAY hold.

  Whose behavior merited celebration?
  My mom. She's the best.

  Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
  Anybody who is happy with or who is aiding the infiltration of our country by illegal aliens. Tailgaters. They are murderers waiting to happen. And this stupid "trying to extinguish the Olympic Torch" in protest of The Olympics in China. C'mon, give these poor folks a break. Let them carry the darn torch. It is an event for them. Protest some other way... In the immortal words of Jeff Spicoli, "You DICKS."

  "Actually, the Olympic thing is THIS year, Trish."
  Oh yeah, well, I'm in the moment aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand.......... I'm good with it.

  Where did most of your money go?
  Electrolysis, cell phone, Internet connection, Christmas, DVDs, credit card bill, teeth and taxes.

  What did you get really, really, really excited about?
  Sheesh. I don't know. Maybe boobs. No, not mine. Other girl's boobs. I have none. And a penis or two that I ran across (in photos). I know those are weird answers, but other things I got excited about are just too geeky/nerdy/sad to write.

  "Penises in 'picture form' is pretty sad too, Trish."
  Not as sad as say like, little Star Wars® action figures.
  "Point taken."

  What song will always remind you of 2007?
  "Crying" by Aerosmith:
  There was a time, when I was so broken hearted,
  love wasn't much of a friend of mine.
  The tables have turned, yeah, 'cause me and them ways have parted,
  that kind of love was the killin' kind.
  Listen, all I want is someone I can't resist. I know all I need to know by the way that I got kissed.
  I was cryin' when I met you, now I'm tryin' to forget you.
  Love it sweet misery.
  I was cryin' just to get you, now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you.
  Do what you do down on me.

  This song doesn't have anything to do with my life (at least, not at this point), but during the Christmas holiday when my son was here I started singing that song. He asked me about it, I told him I really like it and when we were out later that afternoon he bought the CD for me. I protested as new CDs are way expensive but he wouldn't take "Noooooooooo!!!!" for an answer. I couldn't open it until Christmas. I love the CD.

  When I was 24, those lyrics would have been MINE. But now? I should BE so lucky.

  Compared to this time last year, are you:
  A) Happier or sadder? Sadder. But the details are the same as always. So I won't bother writing them.
  B) Thinner or fatter? The same. Depressing as Hell. Everybody still says that I am too skinny. They do not see what I see.
  C) Richer or poorer? Oh Lord. Need I answer? No.

  What do you wish you'd done more of?
  Shooting my firearms. I have to start doing that again. Working out, walking, but my hip is bothering me so I have had to stop for a while.

  What do you wish you'd done less of?
  Being angry at so many things.

  How will you be spending Christmas?
  Same as last year: At this point, that is pretty far off, but I would hope to spend it as I always have; with my son and my mom. Anything we do on Christmas is good as long as I am with these people.

  Vibrator or fingers or both in 2007?
  Oh. My. God. Every year you slip a question in that is not on the program and they get more and more personal.
  "Oh, c'mon Trish. Don't be a stick in the mud."
  Well once again that question is far beyond the pale.
  "Well once again, Okaaaay, alright already."
  Well once again as long as you asked...
  "Yes? YEs?? YES???"
  Frozen trout. Think outside the box. Serious.

  Did you fall in love in 2007
  Let's get this out of the way. John Depp is my husband, so let's just say that any falling in love that I would do is pure fantasy. Okay? With that said, I fell in love with William Beckett. A singer/guitar player for a band called "The Academy". I watch/look at him and I cry. Like so many other things in my life, this is pathetic.

  How many one-night stands?
  One-night stands. I seem to have forgotten what that means. This could be a good thing, or this could be a bad thing. I'm thinkin bad.

  What was your favorite TV program?
  I stopped for the most part watching television. We are in the time of reality shows and I cannot deal with it. They make me ill. The worst was "Kid Nation". A show that I was "forced" to watch during the time we were evacuated during the fires and our hosts had it on. It was... disgusting. A reality show with children. When I do watch TV it is only Boston Legal or Desperate Housewives. They are never on anymore.

  Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
  No, I still hate the same folks.

  What was the best book you read?
  My Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book. Always a good read and always with me.

  What was your greatest musical discovery?
  I discovered The Beatles. I heard they did quite well. They gave me no credit whatsoever.

  What did you want and get?
  Just some DVDs.

  What did you want and not get?
  Again I wanted to have my birth certificate changed to reflect my transition. I (again) have to work on that in 2007. Time is running out and this could become critical. I wanted sex. No get sex.

  What was your favorite film of this year?
  Easy one: Think pirates.

  What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
  I worked on my birthday. I am now old enough to do anything that I want to do, except I burned out on all that a long time ago, so now that I am old enough to do anything that I want, I can't. (Upon reading that back, if that's not alcoholic thinking, I don't know what is. I'm old enough to go to Texas *clap clap clap clap* by myself too, but did I think of that? Know whut am sayin? El lifo grandioso.)

  What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
  No back problems. Backing into something warm... and I don't mean an oven. (Oh crap, I'm all about the sex AGAIN this year. Please, forgive me. I have no shame.)

  How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
  Have you ever seen those photos in the back of Cosmopolitan Magazine where they are all like, "DON'T DO THIS!"? I do it.

  What kept you sane?
  I'm not.

  Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
  I wish we could replace "fancy" with "schtoop" and that I actually had an answer. (See what I mean? No shame.)

  What political issue stirred you the most?
  Illegal immigration. The rest of the country does not know it yet, but we in the West DO know it. We are quickly becoming screwed.

  Who did you miss?
  I don't really have friends anymore. Nobody to miss. But I do miss having my son close by.

  Who was the best new person you met?
  Didn't.

  Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
  Take Band-Aids to work.

  Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
  'Cause nothin' from nothin' leaves nothin'.
  You got to have somethin' if you wanna be with me.
  Oh, life is too serious, love's too mysterious,
  A fly girl like me needs security.

  'Cause ain't nothin' goin' on but the rent.

  "Ain't Nothin' Goin' On But The Rent" by Gwen Guthrie

   

  Boring
  Alright
  Blink-182

  "Freakin what? Trout?"

Saturday, April 19th, 2008

• "One of...

  ...us."

  I've heard that term used more then once when a "transsexual" is speaking to other "transsexuals". "She/he is one of us" they will say.

  Make of it what you will.

  One of us! One of us! Gooble gobble, gooble gobble! One of us! One of us!
  Tod Browning's "FREAKS"

Saturday, April 26th, 2008

• With the exception of...

  ...one photograph that my mom coerced me into having taken two years ago when visiting Scottsdale Arizona, and one or two for my son, my "No Photo's of Trish" rule is still in effect. It's been more then a few years since I enacted this rule. I just do NOT want to see what the world is seeing.

  Life sucks enough as it is. No reason to feel even MORE crappy about myself.

  All these lines on my face gettin clearer.
  Aerosmith

  "Your tag lines are becoming even more boring and predictable, Trish. Not to mention the just-about plagiaristic aspect of the entire format."
  Yeah, I know. But I just can't stop! It's a DRUG I tell ya. A DRUG! Now leave me be. The tone of this post is intended to be one of self-loathing and despair and you are screwing it up.
  "Oh... sorry. Party hearty then."

Friday, May 9th, 2008

• There is this stupid...

  ..."thing" (for lack of a better word for it) that is making it's rounds on the Internet and in real-time. It is called "How To Respect A Transsexual Person". Some folks are handing these forms out to their friends as they come out as "transsexual" to them and even giving them to work colleagues. It's a list of what to do or not to do, or to say or not say to your new pet transsexual.

  Topics range from using proper "he's" and "she's" to questions that are okay to ask your new transsexual and those that are definite no-no's. To me, this thing is totally presumptuous. Totally. It presumes that transsexuals command respect just for being.... transsexual. It's as if transsexuals deserve some sort of "I'm So Special" awards.

  It would be a total turn-off to non-transsexual persons, in my own humble opinion.

  There are some "transsexuals" out there who refer to anybody who would not adhere to the "suggestions" on this list as being "haters", "phobics" and the worst of all, "religious" and "right-wingers". Holy crap. Bad people. Bad BAD people.

  I think another list should be created: "How To Respect a Non-Transsexual Person". Putting non-transsexuals in education camps and referring to them in God awful terms (and I have seen it) is just bad form.

  You do not have to accept ANYbody and they certainly do not have to accept you. As they say, respect is earned. It is not commanded by a stupid list of written suggestions (read: rules).

  I myself believe that every human being on the face of the earth deserves some amount of respect until it is DIS-earned.

  "Dis-earned. Great word, Trish."
  Thanks. I *think* I made it up.
  "No way."
  Way.

  ..anyway.

  As I was saying, I believe that every human being on the face of the earth deserves some amount of respect until it is DIS-earned. A list handed out describing the respect that should be given to a person just for being is plain insulting.

  I know that this world can suck for some folks. I know that people can be mean and cruel and dangerous to people who are different. I know that I owe some of the things that I have been able to do as a (gulp) transsexual to those who have gone before me (understatement), but dang.... Stuff like this "How To Respect A Transsexual Person" list is just embarrassing. You are a woman, you are a man, just live it. You cannot order folks to accept it. Just do the best you can to get along or hang it up.

  We have options. One is to do what we need to do and the opposite is to do what we need to do if we cannot successfully do what it is we feel we need to do.

  If somebody does not respect or accept me, then it is my problem, not theirs. I can either choose to stay in that situation or remove myself from it. Forced change is resented. One day when I am gone people might say, "Trish? She WAS?? Used to be a... No shit? Well Hell, she was OKAY in MY book." To me that is how change is made. Live it. Set an example. Be a person. If we are damn lucky, it works out.

  Other then that, this whole thing is a bitch and then... well, you know the drill.

  Please allow me the following sentiment:
  Fuck the "How To Respect A Transsexual Person" thing.
  Trish

Friday, May 16th, 2008

• Hey, I have teeth...

  ...now.

  "Very nice, Trish."
  Thanks.
  "Were they expensive?"
  Let's just put it this way: When I am dead in the grave and my body is powder, there will be a few nice looking teeth sitting there all alone that will be about halfway paid for.
  "Cool."
  Kinda.

  Transition. Transition transition transition transition transition And when I transition, transition transition transition transition transition transition and then I will transition. Transition to transition transition transition and then I will transition.

  Transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition but of course I THEN definitely transition. Transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition.

  I will transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition TRANSITION! YES! Transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition.

  Transition transition transition transition transition. Most likely take a Cheetos® break and for sure continue my transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition, transition transition transition transition. Transition transition transition transition transition transition and then transition transition transition transition transition transition transition transition UNTIL transition and THEN transition.

  So, in summation I would like to say, transition. Yep.
  Trish

  "So, like, what does all THAT mean, Trish?"
  It's that old adage about saying something enough times until it really doesn't mean anything at all anymore. I have heard and read the word "transition" (from male to female or female to male) so much lately by so many people that it means nothing anymore. I think that there should be some sort of a "Transition Word Usage License" or something like at dare. Part of the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care.

  You cannot use the word "transition" in regards to yourself unless you are actually GOING to do it, or make a serious ATTEMPT to do it, or are in the PROCESS of doing it. But if you just want to throw the word around so you can keep up with the Tranny Jones' or for whatever goth/anime reason you will NOT be issued a "Transition Word Usage License".

  I had a conversation quite a few years ago with a (then) good friend. We had both decided, and felt inside that there are two ways of expressing yourself as "transsexual". For instance, if you were to say to somebody, "I am a transsexual", it would generally mean that you have been diagnosed with "Gender Identity Disorder" but you were not in the process of making any changes in your life, or TRANSITIONING.

  On the other hand if you made the statement, "I am transsexual", and simply omit the word "a", it would mean that you ARE in the process of making life changes or yes, you are TRANSITIONING.

  If you have been diagnosed with "Gender Identity Disorder" and are TRANSITIONING, you will be issued the "Transition Word Usage License" and can say "I am transsexual" and make statements like, "I am transitioning" or "My transition is blah blah blah, etc etc etc."

  Whether your "Transition Word Usage License" would have a "M" or "F" on it would be left up to the issuer, most likely being your gender qualified therapist.

  "Um, Trish?
  Yeah?
  "You are so full of shit."
  I TOLD ya, don't cuss.

  This diary is not really accurately reflecting my life anymore. This is something that I have to work on. I know that I have touched on this before, but now I am in another closet. Everything is ass backwards from what it USED to be. Who'd uh thunk it lo those many years ago when I was in that OTHER closet. This one is much better, but, still kind of a bummer.

Sunday, June 1st, 2008

• I never thought that I...

  ...would become a connoisseur of fine toilet paper, or... perhaps I'm not a connoisseur of fine toilet paper, because I've not found one yet.

  Welcome to my life.
  Trish

Monday, June 2nd, 2008

• Okay, here is a...

  ...little input for those of you (born physically male) who have just purchased (or somehow acquired) your first dress or woman's outfit of some kind and are wearing it everyday.

  No matter how often you are wearing it,

  A. Your body is not growing breasts to accommodate the clothing -

  B. You will not have a menstrual cycle -

  Your male body will not change because you have a dress on. So please, keep these fantasies to yourself. Do not write of them, speak about them, or speculate about the possibility of it happening in any public kind of way. It is just plain bad public relations.

  I know how it is to want to wish that wearing clothing of the opposite gender, or taking women's multi-vitamins, or whatever will somehow change you physically, but I am here to tell you, it is not gonna happen. Okay?

  There are enough people that do not take "transsexuality" and "Gender Identity Disorder" seriously without giving them more ammunition by doing things like labeling (and believing) that your bleeding hemorrhoids are a "period". And yes, I have seen it done, more then once.

  Dear Mr. Fantasy.
  Traffic

Wednesday, June 4th, 2008

• Just a little...

  ...update on the dental front. My mouth is pretty much hurting today. On Monday I had another tooth pulled. That makes a total of five in about, oh... I think probably six or seven weeks. Something like that. When I went to my cleaning about two weeks ago, my hygienist said, "They look really good." I am like, "Well, four teeth ain't that hard to take care of, ya know?" I exaggerate, but not by much. I am becoming more attractive and desirable every day. And I better not lose my job for say like, oh... about twenty-five years.

  Freakin teeth.
  Trith

  "Like, say, about, oh, Trish."
  Yeah.

Friday, June 6th, 2008

• Today is my...

  ...12th sobriety birthday. I think that I will celebrate it by going to work and trying to ignore the pain (that should be LONG gone) that I am still experiencing from the tooth I had pulled on Monday.

  Woo hoo.
  Fuck

Friday, June 6th, 2008

• Later that day. I made it...

  ...through the day at work with the painful mouth. If it stays like this through Sunday I will be heading back to the dentist for euthanasia.

  And now the lesson for today, which no doubt many have learned already. And I am going to use very generic terms here:

  When some folks have the ol' self discovery, the epiphany and they come to the conclusion that they are transgender and MUST do something about it, the inevitable coming out period will at some time begin. They will tell many people about this bootiful ting and lots and lots of responses will be, "That is so GREAT! I am so happy for you! I am so glad that you are finding happiness in your life." However, the transgender person should not let this encourage them to mount that big soft pink cloud just yet. There is at least a fifty percent chance that once the informed folks have had time to think about it, about what the informants are doing and all that it actually entails, they are going to back peddle like there is no tomorrow. What at first was a wonderful thing, will now not seem so great.

  Example (...and believe me that this one little example will cover a lot of circumstances): Eight some odd years ago when I told my "ex" about my start date for Hormone Replacement Therapy, they were totally fine with it, BUT, a very short few days later, (they requested in a squeaky little voice) "Could you just hold off on starting it for a little while longer?" My reply was, "Um, I'm thinkin no. Yeah, no." (As an aside, for the naysayers... At that time we were living together but had separated. My "ex" just did not want to see me do anything for myself. So THERE.)

  Had I agreed to waiting the "little while longer" I would have discovered that a "little while longer" would've been when I was dead and buried. This is sort of a "microcosmic" example, but it illustrates three steps: Immediate support, second thoughts, and then "Oh wait, maybe this isn't as cool as I thought it was."

  "Your Honor, at this point I would suggest that Trish's example is pure conjecture."
  Overruled, you amateur.

  Anyway... I guess all I am saying is, when you come out to people, do not accept their immediate reactions. Wait six months and then see how they feel about it. You won't be sorry. You just might save yourself a lot of grief. Don't believe me? You'll see.

  Bottom line? In my humble opinion? Inform, and then be...

  Laid back.
  Snoop Dogg

Saturday, June 7th, 2008

• I STILL can't believe...

  ...that the definition for "full time" is being changed so drastically to suit the needs of some "transgendered" individuals. Everybody knows what "full time" means. "Part time" is apparently becoming accepted as "full time" in an effort to "fast track" a person through the "transition" process. It is ridiculous and many "therapists" are a part of this, unless many of the "full timers" are being less then honest with us about their whole deal.

  The further along this "transgender" road one travels, the more one sees how full of BS it can be. It seems that some people love to lie to themselves and to others to get what it is they want, or THINK that they want. Yes, LIE. It says a lot about a person.

  When Harry Benjamin is finally pushed aside, any respect that "transgendered" folks have fought for and earned will be lost. You will see. You will see.

  The whole deal just seems so.... arrogant.

  I'm not gonna to lie to you, officer. I lied to you.
  Cops

Sunday, June 15th, 2008

• Did I hear a...

  ...knock on my Transition Diary?

  "Yes, Trish. It's me."
  Me who.
  "Me who what."
  Me WHO. This is a knock-knock joke, right?
  "Oh, no. I just wanted your attention."

  Okay. What.

  "You said 'You will see' in your last two entries."
  Yeah, so?
  "It's like you are 'all knowing' or something. Kind of supercilious, is it not?"
  WHAT??

  "Nevermind. Okay. I DO have a knock-knock joke for you."
  Cool.
  "You start it, Trish."
  Okay. Knock-knock.
  "Who's there?"
  Who..... WHAT??

  Ah jeez, Edith.
  Archie Bunker

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

• Is there a single...

  ..."transsexual" on the face of the earth who is not writing a book about their life?

  "And what about YOU, Trish? Aren't YOU becoming tired of being one of those 'dime a dozen' diary or blog or whatever you call it writers?"
  Yeah. I guess so. Pretty much. But mine ain't a BOOK.

  It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
  Trishles Dickens

Friday, July 4th, 2008

• Regarding the female to male...

  ..."transitioned transsexual """""man""""" who just gave birth to a baby girl: Men do not give birth and women do not have "male privilege".

  Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
  I have no idea who originally said that.

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

• You know? There is...

  ...just so much fodder for sarcasm out in today's society that I am overwhelmed.

  "You ARE including yourself as part of this fodder, aren't you, Trish?"
  No way.

  I am just about so sick of people that I don't want to go anyplace anymore. People that just have to be first in line. The drivers that just cannot have a car in front of them. The drivers who come upon stop signs that do not apply to them, just everybody else. The people who have to get to their destinations before anybody else. The people who think that there is somebody who is getting paid to pick up after their slob asses as they leave garbage behind them everywhere they go. The people who treat total strangers like.. well... like shit.

  ...and the people who are raising their children to be just. like. them.

  A lot of people in this country are becoming difficult to stomach.

  Mister, if you don't shut up I'm gonna kick one hundred percent of your ass!
  Brad Hamilton - Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Sunday, July 6th, 2008

• Just for fun, just...

  ...for me, I am going to put it another way.

  If you wish to retain you ability to give birth, you are not a man. Sorry, but in this world, men do not give birth. If you wish to semi-"transition" and have a baby, that is great. Just do not call yourself a man. You are doing huge amounts of damage to many people.

  Men do not give birth. Maybe on some other planet, or in some other dimension, or in the underworld, or in the world of goth or anime, or in nightclubs, men give birth, but not on this planet, in this dimension, here and now.

  I'll eat anything you want me to eat. I'll swallow anything you want me to swallow.
  But, come on down and I'll... chew on a dog! Arroooo!
  Betelgeuse

Sunday, July 12th, 2008

• I don't care what...

  ...any little "gamer" or teenager says. FTW stands for Fuck The World, and always WILL stand for Fuck The World.

  Get your own acronyms, by crackee.

  What IS it with kids these days.
  Is NOTHING sacred?
  Trish

Friday, August 8th, 2008

• I don't have time to...

  ...make much of an entry right now, I just wanted to for sure make a post on 08/08/08. For whatever lame reason.

  I actually did write an entry the day before yesterday, but after finishing it, I realized that it was just not successful in communicating what it was that I was attempting to........ communicate, so I nixed it.

  But it is time to write a bit about what is happening in my life (not much), and I will do that soon. One entry a month? Not good.

  Anyway... soon.

  "Yeah right, Trish."
  I know... I know...

  What we got here is... failure to communicate.
  Cool Hand Luke

  Okay okay okay okay okayokayokayokay, I know. It was TOOOOOOO easy.

>

I know(again)!! Howz about another picture? This is a river by our house ("Our house" being my mom's house, where I live. My mom is always like, "It's YOUR house too". I'm like, "No, it's not." But I digress, as they say.). Actually it is about three miles away. Doesn't mean much to many folks, but hey, I never lived by a river before and I only recently discovered it was really there. Oh well.

Monday, August 11th, 2008

• I thought it would...

  ...be fun to do one of those little "Five Question" things that go around the Internet. I do one around the first of every year, an annual one, but I think it will be great to just do a little short one here. So... here goes.

  1. What is your favorite color? Not a great question. Let's try another.

  2. Do you have any pets? NEXT.

  3. Did you name your car? Screw that.

  4. Do you prefer winter or summer? Screw that too.

  5. How long does it take for you... Ferget it.

  That wasn't any fun after all.
  Trish

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

• Last night I...

  ...dreamt that one of my favorite co-workers called me by my old male name, gave me a knowing (in a bad way) smile and then disappeared into another room. This was more of a nightmare then a dream. I knew that things were going to end badly. Fortunately, that is a far as the dream went.

  Subject change.

  I remember when gender reassignment surgery, sexual reassignment surgery, whatEVER it is, was something that I never even knew was possible. I remember when I could only dream of such a thing. Then I remember knowing of the procedure, but it was unattainable. And then finally, I was able to have it for myself.

  Now it seems they hand out GRS, SRS at McDonald's. Oh, they still perform GRS, SRS for folks who work hard to get there, but they more and more are doing it for "fence sitters", those who wanna be "club members" and folks who think "What the Hell, it will improve my life." It seems as though the requirements for eligibility are all over the map.

  This doesn't really matter a whole hill of beans to post-operatives if nobody knows about our histories, but if they do? Believe me, we are at times taken MUCH LESS SERIOUSLY.

  Time will tell if others come to the same conclusion as I have.

  "Hey, you know what, Trish?"
  What.
  "Some might write this off as a gripe, or even elitist hogwash."
  Yeah, I know.
  "But it's not. It is a valid point. The bar for SRS eligibility being lowered can be detrimental to folks."
  THANK you.
  "Don't get used to my agreeable temperament."

  Would you like fries with that?
  Trish